Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for September, 2009

I grew up in Maine.  Beautiful, sweet Maine.  Thickly green in the summer.  Mosquitos and black flies gnaw on your body and suck your blood. In turn,  you devour the creamiest and most delicious ice cream ever had. Intensely cold in the winter, barren and bleak, the landscape whips the warmth from your body.  You mock Father Winter with snowmen and sled rides.  Autumn, like a peacock, flashes its colorful plumage to dazzle you with the most beautiful sunsets known to man while you crunch its leaves, fallen and crisp, underneath your boots. And spring boasts Mother Earth at her most glorious – swollen and bursting forth with life. You watch humbled.

Nature is always close at hand there.  Sometimes challenging your patience and strength, but always offering life, joyous and unabashed,  and an unmistakable and beautiful connection to it.  In California, I have conversely experienced  Nature that is bothered, brutalized and raped.  I find it depressing and even disturbing.  And I know that I benefit from the oil being pumped from the oil rigs that I can see as I swim with the dolphins and the shipments from overseas that pollute my harbor, Long Beach Harbor, that also offer me clothes on my back and hell, even my Mini… but  you know what? It totally sucks!   

And I’m intrigued.  Intrigued as to how we can continue to do this to our beautiful home called earth.  Yesterday, Bryan and I went to Wilmington.  Yes, to those of you who know it, as a destination.  Wilmington is home to one of the largest ports in the world- The Port of Los Angeles.  Combined with neighboring Port of Long Beach, it is the 5th largest container port in the world.  Without it, it is the largest container port in the USA and the 8th largest container port in the world. Honestly, it’s sick.

It is so hard in words to describe what is there, but lucky for us…I brought my camera.   I’m including shots that show the juxtaposition of nature with the gross industrialization and just plain old industrialization.   

Vacation spot.

Photo by Kimmy Squiers

Photo by Kimmy Squiers

Oil Rigs.

Photo by Kimmy Squiers

Refinery

Photo by Kimmy Squiers

Let's Get Perspective

Photo by Kimmy Squiers

 

If I could make these pictures scratch and sniff, you’d be doubly appalled.  We had to continually cover our mouths and breathe into our shirts.  So, what do I do about something so disturbing?  How can little old me change something that is so big, so entrenched in our economy?  It’s sad, I tell you.  People live here.  Work here.  Live their lives here.  Many very poor.  Many in ill health.

So, I went home and did my yoga.  Did my meditation.  I was still sad.  I’m mourning the destruction of my earth.  I don’t think there’s a quick cure.  I’d love your comments about this. Agreeing or disagreeing.

Triple Goddess Experiment/Challenge

BODY- Yoga:  One hour of yoga everyday for a year.

I did Yogi Jim’s kundalini, then I did Hatha Yoga for Better Sleep.  I feel like I cheated.  It was so easy.  I guess I’m used to yoga being difficult and a challenge.  This was just basic stretches. I could have just done on my own.  Definitely not up to Yogiyak’s other videos that I’ve done.

2 1/2 stars (outta 5)

SPIRIT – Meditation: Begin with 10 minutes of meditation a day. At the end of a year- an hour

So, I’m still at 10 minutes or so, and I still feel like I’m squeaking by here.  Will I have to increase it to 15 minutes tomorrow.  Maybe that’ll help.

No more evil freaks! Thank God.

MIND – The Law of Attraction: Work with a coach on daily exercises to create what I want in my life

Mama Cheryl from Become A Lotus.com  gave me my new homework assignment.  I start it tomorrow but I’m VERY excited. I have to rewrite an episode from my childhood. One in which my family and I were as rich as I want to become.  So cool! I cried about this because I think it’s key for me.  I’ve always had a poverty mentality, even since I was like 4 yrs old! I remember.  So now, I’ll create new scenarios.  Have new memories!  YAHHHHHH!

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

A little about my logo.  It is composed of three symbols which are traditional from each of their perspective religions/thought…each representing some form of a trinity.

This is my logo:

 Triple GOddess Experiment Logo

Here is the symbol for the Triple Goddess in Wicca.                   

Triple Goddess Symbol

The triple goddess in Wicca represents the maiden, mother and the crone-the 3 stages of a woman’s life.  I felt it important to include this as it represents the feminine side of myself and honors each stage of my life.

 

 

 

   TrinityHere is  the symbol for the trinity in Christianity.

The trinity in Christianity represents The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.  Three essence of God expressed in a masculine voice.  I am all that as well as the maiden, mother and crone, so I felt it important to include this.    

  

  

  

  

 

 

Here is the symbol for mind, body, soul (in more New Age thought):

cmtri

  

Mind, Body and Spirit are each an aspect of self.  Many philosophies and religions admit that we are each composed of these three aspects.  I have seen it repeatedly in New Age traditions.

 

 

 

 

 

It is interesting to me that the triple or the trinity or the three is present in almost every major religion, and each of these three religions and philosophies have had an incredible impact on my life.   So, I felt it important to fuse these three trinities to create my own trinity.  The union of all aspects of myself.  I think that’s what I’m really trying to accomplish in this next year.

Triple Goddess Experiment/Challenge

BODY- Yoga:  One hour of yoga everyday for a year.

Well, FINALLY! I got  my butt over to a real live yoga class at Svastha in Long Beach!  Though yoga at home is beneficial and helpful, there’s nothing like being in a room of people all trying to better themselves and their lives. As I looked at them all before class, I thought: we’re the same-each trying to do the best we can in life, each taking this next hour and a half for ourselves and our well-being.  It was a beautiful moment as I smiled shyly at them.   We were sharing our journey. 

Then Stella entered.  An infectious giggle.  A giant smile. “So what do you all want to do today?” Uh, uh. Blank. Do? Uh, uh. “How about a little visualization? My friend told me I shouldn’t do visualizations in class.  That you’ll all get dependent on me and not do it for yourselves.”  Sounds like a jackass to me.  “But I think we should do visualizations.”  Bravo.  Screw your friend.  Sounds like an insecure control freak telling you how you should run your yoga class.  

And believe me, Stella needs no help in how to run her yoga class.  Pose after pose. Breathing, stretching, sweating.  “Hug your best friend.” Giggle. We hugged ourselves.  “Use your breath.  The important thing is to breathe and use your breath at the same time.  Yep. Just like that.”  We’d hold a pose and she’d read from a book.  Affirmations.  Reminders.  Insights. Wisdom.  Visualizations.  Sweat dripped onto the mat.  Fuck.  She’s really working us today. “Well, since we’re really working it today.  Let’s do Fish Pose.” She gave us three options of how to do it: gentler, more challenging, and fucking crazy.  “Any way you want to do it is okay.  Be gentle with yourself.  Never strain yourself.”  Yah.  Gentler sounds good.  I am a fish.  Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I felt like Don Knotts.  I wonder if he ever did yoga.  Giggle. Did she hear me think that?

Stella’s class was incredible.  She’s approachable, down to earth, and takes yoga seriously but not herself.  I looked in the mirror when I was through with the class.  I glowed.  My eyes were brighter, clearer.  Next time I will take before and after pictures so you can see the difference.

10 stars (outta 5)

SPIRIT – Meditation: Begin with 10 minutes of meditation a day. At the end of a year- an hour

I had a bizarre experience in my mediation today.  I was sitting on my little mediation love seat outside, emptied my mind and focused on my third eye.  I connected to my breath, but then I started feeling different.  That someone, feminine in nature, was there with me… and it wasn’t a good feeling.  It was like the presence was trying to tempt me or control me.  I’ve NEVER felt anything like this in my life.  At first I got scared.  Then, I remembered that I could call on Jesus, Yogananda and white light. I felt her will pressing against me.  I opened my eyes, and told whatever it was to fuck off.  I went inside and saged myself and my house.  I imagined a barrier of white light at my door and said a prayer.  Finally,  the bad energy cleared and I felt safe again. 

I will ALWAYS draw a circle of white light around myself to protect myself now, and I will set my intention for the meditation.  Any thoughts?

MIND – The Law of Attraction: Work with a coach on daily exercises to create what I want in my life.

I woke up feeling like shit today, a little vertigo.  I found myself starting to go down a route on which bad thought billboards were plastered every 1/8th of a mile.  YIPPEE!  I shouted.  I feel great.  I slept wonderfully and my body is in perfect health!  I said all my affirmations and shouted everything I’m grateful for.  Oh yeah.  That’s the right road to travel on.  I left the other road in the dust and felt great all day. So there.

Read Full Post »

I’ve spent more time sobbing in my bathtub than anywhere else.  It’s convenient, the tears just flow right down the drain.  Washes away the evidence and it’s private.  It’s where I do my best relaxing.  And reading.

“A Caress of Twilight” by Laurell K. Hamilton.  A fun book about faeries and faes.  A fae of light forced to leave the court of her brethren lived as a Hollywood movie star and used glamour to hide her fae beauty.  “In the forty years she’d been a movie star, no camera had seen these eyes.  Her real eyes.  I’m sure some agent or studio head had long ago convinced her to hide the less human of her features.  I’d hidden what I was and what I looked like for nearly three years, and it had killed parts of me to do it.  Maeve Reed had done it for decades. ..I held both her hands in mine while she stripped away a century of lies and stood before me a shining thing.  Suddenly there seemed to be more colors in the room, a breath of sweet-scented flowers that grew thousands of miles from this desert place…”. 

And that was it, I was bawling my brains out once again as I realized that I had done this for most of  my life.    When I was young, I inspired a lot of jealousy for what I looked like and for my brains and talents.  So, I hid my beauty and talents, all that I am, so that other people would accept me, be more comfortable around me, and so that they would love me.  And so I wouldn’t be alone and isolated.  This passage from this book really hit home – found its mark and spoke truth in my life.  I mourned in that bathtub for all that I had abandoned inside of myself. 

And now, from here forward, I reclaim myself, my beauty, light, and talents.  I give myself permission to be successful, wildly rich and happy and beautiful and loved.  I give myself  permission to be ALL that I am.  I reintegrate all parts of myself and I run through the fields feeling the wind at my back pushing me forward and farther than I ever dreamed possible. 

And to all the people in my life- past, present and future: I no longer and will never abandoned myself again to make you feel better.  I no longer buy love with pieces of my soul.  If you are unhappy with yourself, then it is up to you and you only to create happiness and acceptance inside of you.  The true Kimmy is stepping forward.  Deal with it.

I let those layers of sacrifice fall away in that bathtub,  and with my tears, they slipped away from me down the drain and out of my life.

Triple Goddess Experiment/Challenge

BODY- Yoga:  One hour of yoga everyday for a year.

Holy Buddha, I struggled with doing yoga today.  Time was even worse than yesterday, but as Mama Cheryl, my coach in the Law of Attraction from Become a Lotus, has suggested…tomorrow, I will ask for time to stand still so I can accomplish all that I want to. 

At 11:00 p.m. with Bryan asleep on the bed, the last thing I wanted to do was yoga.  I wanted to crawl into his arms and sleep,and he missed me as I spent most the day task orientated while he patiently waited for me to spend some time with him.  So I felt guilty for taking care of myself.  For doing yoga.  And I missed him too.  But I knew that I’ve missed myself for so long, that I had to stay committed to myself, so I dragged my ass to the fuzzy blue rug and did Michael Riel’s neck and shoulder yoga video.  It did help calm my anxiety, and when I was completed, I was happy I hadn’t abandoned myself. Pat. Pat. (That was on my back.)

SPIRIT – Meditation: Begin with 10 minutes of meditation a day. At the end of a year- an hour

I’m squeaking out 10 minutes a day, although I’m craving more.  More me! More me! Again, I focused on my third eye and my breath.  So far this technique is the best for me. Any other suggestions?

MIND – The Law of Attraction: Work with a coach on daily exercises to create what I want in my life.

I woke up and screamed Yippee!  I’ve been shouting all the things I’m grateful for.  Then as the day goes on, I’m finding my mind thinking of different things to add to the list.  Like… “I am sooo grateful for these delicious tacos!!” or “Wow! I really appreciate this ounce of breeze that just flew into my 100 degree apartment…breeze you are a beautiful thing! I love you breeze!” 

“I am a money magnet!” – I will not forget you again affirmation! So far I’ve got:

My bank account is chock full.  I give and receive money easily.  My health is perfect in every way.  Every part of my body works perfectly.  My family had lots and lots of money.  I am a money magnet ;>).  There is enough time for everything I want to do.  Time is an illusion.

Namaste.  Good tidings to you.

Read Full Post »

Rock goddess!  This blog’s gonna have to be called the Quadruple Goddess experiment because last night this small town girl from Portland, Maine became a rock goddess!  That’s right, me! I took photographs for one of the hottest, all female rock band in Los Angeles called Absinthe…and got paid for it!  My first paying gig as a photographer! Yippee! Now that’s some SWEET manifestation!  More of THAT please universe!

 
Felicia  - photo by Kimmy Squiers

Felicia - photo by Kimmy Squiers

 

 

Brianna and Laura of Absinthe - photo by Kimmy Squiers

Brianna and Laura of Absinthe - photo by Kimmy Squiers

It sure feels great making money doing something that was a blast!  It went by so fast…I couldn’t believe when it was over and a little bit sad…but now of course, I’m enjoying going through the pictures and tweaking them where needed.  I learned a lot too. 

1. Confirmed that Bryan is incredibly loving.  He showed up at the gig to support me even though he was exhausted.

2. Taking pictures of bands in venues such as this is very challenging.  Lighting and angles wreak havoc on a woman’s physique.  It’ll be my job to keep them beautiful in the frame.

3.  I need a better camera.  I want a Canon G10 – around $499.  That’s a good goal.

Anyway, having problems putting myself first and following through on yoga and meditation:

Triple Goddess Experiment/Challenge

BODY- Yoga:  One hour of yoga everyday for a year.

I’m doing the yoga, but I feel like I’m doing it half-assed.  It’s always late at night and I am dreading it.  I feel like it’s taking up so much time, and I feel angry about doing it.  Then of course I do it and then feel better.  I know I need to put myself first.  My health and well being are most important, but it’s so outside of what I am used to doing.  I didn’t realize this about myself.  Well, at least I’m aware of it now. It should help me make conscious changes. 

I noticed during my downward dogs, that I haven’t been pressing the outside of my foot into the floor.  When I did, I noticed that they are super tight.  My arches seemed to have collapsed lately, so this may be a key into what’s going on with this.

I did a combination of Sara Ivanhoe and Yogi Jim.  Love them both.

SPIRIT – Meditation: Begin with 10 minutes of meditation a day. At the end of a year- an hour

I sat outside on my little patio love seat, crossed my legs and just focused on my third eye.  I focused on my breath and emptied my mind.  This was much more satisfying than visual meditation as i felt like I connected to myself more. Plus, I didn’t fall asleep!  I mediated for maybe 15 minutes.

MIND – The Law of Attraction: Work with a coach on daily exercises to create what I want in my life.

This is still going well and actually a lot of fun.  It reminds me of  make-believe and pretend when  I was a kid.  I really want to get to the point when all the affirmations feel real and not like lies.  Am also looking forward to next week’s homework- am hoping to do a fun project. 

Am feeling a lot of pressure about time.  I feel like there’s not enough time to do all the things I want.  Its stressing me out.  So, my mind is going to a negative place.  Bryan said my new mantra is:  There is plenty of time for everything.  Time is an illusion.

Overall I feel like I’m struggling with the challenge.  Making time for myself to do all of this is more difficult than I even thought it would be. Onward, anyway.  It is what it is today.

Namaste.

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Jesus Christ.  I thought I was fucked up.  Then I read that Mackenzie Phillips had sex with her father for over a decade.                                   .  All of a sudden I’m feeling that my life is brilliant.  It’s all about perspective isn’t it?

Perspective indeed.  So, Lucy is one of my best friends. I found myself sitting at her kitchen table today listening to how she wishes that she didn’t forget things and wasn’t a “mindless” person.  Jeepers creepers bo beepers. I’m like that all the time.  Just last week I plowed through the toilet paper, voraciously moved onto the paper towels, and then made a triple shot chocolate mocha…if you know what I mean…with my coffee filters before I remembered to actually buy more toilet paper.  Keys dangling from the ignition as I peer through the window.  Flying purses from the top of my Mini as I unsuspicious-ly drive away.  Three shoeboxes full of greeting cards, signed and stamped but never sent.  All normal for me.  But I’m okay with it.  The flip side is that I’m incredibly creative, spontaneous and fun.  There’s never a dull moment when I’m around, and I’m always good for a laugh. 

I guess what surprised me about Lucy is that I thought she had it all.  Financial success.  A nice home. A beautiful husband and baby.  Then she opened that door that let me in, and I saw someone insecure in herself.   Someone who doubts her own worth to some extent and doesn’t want to be perceived as a ditz.  (Gee thanks.)  Sometimes its hard living here in Los Angeles because the people here always try to show everyone their “put together side”.  YES!  They scream from the Hollywood Hills! We’re fit, fabulous and in control!  But the reality is their snorting cocaine in the bathroom,  fucking their best friend’s wife or husband to feel better about themselves, or just simply, quietly suffering behind a facade of perfectionism.  Or fucking their father for 10 years.

So thank you to Mackenzie for coming out.  You are truly brave and have been for years.  Allowing us to see beyond the facade of Hollywood.  Thank you to Lucy for confiding in me.  For never having to be perfect in my eyes.  And thanks to everyone else who just lets it all hang out…except Ron Jeremy. You’re disgusting.

Being real with each other is the biggest gift we have to give one another.  I really hope this blog can start a conversation about who we are and where we are in our lives.  So now for the “truth” about my challenge today.

The Triple Goddess Experiment / Challenge:

 BODY- Yoga:  One hour of yoga everyday for a year.

Late yoga again tonight- 10:21 pm.  I need to get this in earlier in the day so I can reap the benefits.  Right now, this just feels like a pain in the ass that I have to get done everyday.  I keep procrastinating and making excuses.  All I really want to do is fall into bed.  Why did I start this challenge? Ug.

Okay,  Sara Ivanhoe is great.  YADA. Yada.  But my neck is killing me and the sun salutations just aren’t helping.  Maybe I’m looking for instant gratification, but its hard not to when I’m being strangled by my own neck muscles.  So, I found Michael A. Riel from YogaYak.  His 57 minute video “Hatha Yoga for Neck and Shoulder Pain” is profound and literally like having a yoga class in your home.  His timing was perfection.  While Sara Ivanhoe’s videos are excellent and offer yoga from a more athletic perspective (let’s get a good workout folks!), Michael’s video offered a more restorative feeling while maintaining a pretty difficult pace…at least for a beginner.  Intermediate, beginners only with modifications.

5 stars (outta 5)

SPIRIT – Meditation: Begin with 10 minutes of meditation a day. At the end of a year- an hour.

Okay, this meditation thing isn’t going so well.  I fell asleep within one minute of the video starting.  I don’t even remember what it was! 

Tomorrow, I’m sitting during the meditation. Any other suggestions for me?

MIND – The Law of Attraction: Work with a coach on daily exercises to create what I want in my life.

I woke up, yippee-d and affirmed that I slept well and thanked God.  It still feels like I’m lying to myself since I only got 6 hours after a night with only 4 hours, but I am finding that I’m not talking about the lack of sleep or how shitty I feel because I want to believe that I feel well and am sleeping well, so I don’t want to say anything that contradicts that. 

My CD isn’t working yet, so in the car, Mama Cheryl gave me three more affirmations.

1. My family had lots and lots of money when I was growing up.

2. All my body parts work perfectly.

3. Shit. I can’t remember the third. Hmmmmm.  That’s telling.  Let’s see if Mama Cheryl can remind me what it was…

Well, I thought that went well, but I’m really curious to know what the missing affirmation is.  I’ll have to work extra with that one.

Needless to say, I didn’t listen to the affirmation CD while going to sleep since I fell asleep during mediation. 

Still struggling with negativity, but I do have positive thoughts too.  In general, I feel overwhelmed by all my tasks at hand and a messy house and my perceived lack of money. 

Well, tomorrow’s a new day.  See you then.  And as usual, I’m open to comments and suggestions.

Read Full Post »

I’m commitment phobic.  Okay.  Being committed is serious business.  There’s no turning back.  Till death do us part and all.  And I’ve been scared to start this Triple Goddess challenge. Afraid to do it.  Scared to succeed.  But I committed anyway.  Even though statistics say that one in two long term commitments end in failiure.  I’m taking my chances.  I have to. 

Those odds really aren’t so bad, are they?  Actually, they suck.  But I’m going Out on a Limb here.  Shirley Maclaine would understand.  Sometimes you just have to take risks. Chances.  Shit. I might fall out of the tree, but at least I climbed it.  At least I’ve shown up.  I’m living.  I’m trying.  And today everything seemed to be working against me.  But it didn’t stop me.  And it won’t because I learned a valuable lesson today.  It’s not about how good you are or talented or smart or anything like that.  Success comes from dedication.

If I really want to be pain free,  a bank account that’s chock full o’bucks, and ultimately happiness, then I need to dedicate myself to myself.  That 4 hours of sleep I got last night  because I wound up with disappointing news from my father, well actually step-mother… won’t matter.  I’ll do my yoga, write, paint, dance and meditate.  Those ugly, re-bounding, deeply rooted core beliefs -you know the ones that relight themselves after you blow them out -that say I’m not worthy of love and happiness and success.  Those bastards won’t mean a thing because I’m committed to loving myself and following through on what’s important to me .   The truck outside my apartment- the one with the weak ticker and burnt out nervous system…Bryan’s truck-yeah, that sucker ain’t gonna stop me from my path. Even if we spend an hour and a half trying to jump start her when I should be at yoga class.  Because no matter where this challenge goes, no matter where it takes me…I’m right there.  Funny thing is, I’ve been there all along and never knew it.  Yeah, self discovery in a blog.  Tell that shit to Perez Hilton.

  The Triple Goddess Experiment / Challenge:

 BODY- Yoga:  One hour of yoga everyday for a year.

I didn’t get to the yoga mat until 10:30 pm – not exactly the class I planned on taking.  I had to resort to the internet and work it out on my slippery blue fuzzy livingroom/bedroom/office carpet.  I did find a video I liked  quite a bit after trying several other videos…they all added up to an hour, I swear. 

This particular one is taught by Sara Ivanhoe.  I thought she was not so well known, even though this video is part of  The Yoga for Dummies  DVD series.  Her teaching style is incredibly simple and basic…beside her YouTube hits weren’t so spectacular, and she’s very unassuming.  Well, ends up she’s this superstar of yoga and owns Yogaworks- a studio that boasts 23 or so locations from Los Angeles to New York City.  Now she must have some self-dedication under her yoga mat!

After just three downward dogs, I was able to actually press my heels into the floor-  my flexibility seemed to increase from doing the sun salutations even though I was working the muscles in my legs at the same time.   I also felt a substantial increase in my energy by the time I was through with the video. 

5 star video (outta 5)

SPIRIT – Meditation: Begin with 10 minutes of meditation a day. At the end of a year- an hour.

After my hour of yoga,  I lay down and listened to a guided meditation. This one twice.  With a nap in between.

Paul Collier wrote the music, which was quite beautiful.  The guided mediation was typical, I think, of deep relaxation guided meditations.  Walk down a staircase and you will be more and more relaxed…zzzz!  Relaxed right into a deep snore.  Repeat.

If goal is to sleep, then 5 stars.  If goal is to meditate, then 2 and 1/2 stars. (Outta 5)

MIND – The Law of Attraction

 Well Mama Cheryl sent me my homework, and since I couldn’t play my computer-burned cd on my Mini Cooper stereo system (fucker couldn’t read the format)…I called her up and asked me for three affirmations to do on the way to work. 

1. I give and receive money easily.

2. My bank account is chock full.

3.  My health is perfect in every way.

I spoke them, sang them and screamed them in my car.   I noticed that when I started them, I felt self conscious and a little dumb.  But I kept it up and noticed that I started thinking more positive thoughts the more I said them.  I kept screwing  them up by saying stuff like: My bank account is perfect in every way and my health is easy in every way! Same difference, right?

My next assignment was to make a list of things I’m appreciative of ( I even lied a little bit): my good health (ahem), my big blue eyes, my family, Bryan, great weather, taking care of baby Jazzi, Cara and Michelle, my great brothers, Sarah, my talents, my brain, my shit-hole apartment (its better than my brother’s couch), my MiniCooper, my fun shelf, my aunts, reading, great movies, my art, sun in the morning and the moon at night, the Beatles, Dovey, my computer, being asked to do photography and getting paid for it.  Yikes.  That’s all I could come up with in two minutes.  Well, I better start being more grateful then.

I also noticed my thoughts through out the day.  I’m sneaky. When I’d think something positive, a little sneaky voice would pop in my head and say something negative.  My very own Great Gazoo buzzing around my head. 

The Great Gazoo

My negative thoughts were mainly criticizing my body, commenting a million times a day that I was tired and thinking that I had too much to get done and not enough time to do it in.  That one stressed me out alot.  Occasionally, I would think that I didn’t have the money to buy something.  In particular a camera that I really want to take pictures of the bands around here in L.A.  It’s $499 and I kept thinking that I couldn’t afford it. 

I did replace most of these thoughts with the positive equivalents, but I’m sure a few of them gave me the old slipperoo.

Read Full Post »

Hi ya world! I almost forgot to write my blog tonight!  I got caught up with old Beatles’ tunes on You Tube.  Anyway, today was a challenging day for me. First, I battled tightness and pain today in my upper back.  I actually had to go home and stretch for thirty minutes while Bryan rubbed my shoulders.  And took 4 advil. I’m so looking forward to the yoga and more importantly, doing it on a consistent basis. 

I really need to live more in my body.  I used to when I danced, but since I experience so much pain, I live more in my head. Then to exasperate the problem, I spend so much time on the computer writing, designing and “facebooking” it, that I can’t turn off my brain.  Maybe that’s why I haven’t been able to sleep well lately.  Bryan suggested that for every hour of computer work that I take 10 minutes and visualize putting my consiousness in my feet. To ground me.  What do you all think? I might try it.

Well, I got my first assignment from Mama Cheryl- my Law of Attraction coach.  I’m scared.

1. I have to get up every morning and say, “Yippee! I’m alive, I slept well all night!”…even if I don’t.  Fake it to you make it, I guess.  Then, I have to say how grateful I am for everything iny life- for two minutes or 25 things. 

2. I have to monitor my thoughts.  Change my negative ones to positive ones. 

3. I have to listen to general affirmation CD when I drive and repeat them.  And play them whenI go to sleep.  You can go to www.becomealotus.com , email Cheryl and order one.  I’ll post a clip of one within the next day or two. 

So, wish me luck.  I’ll still have to go to yoga class and meditate. Ay yay yay!

Well, I have to get up at 6:30 to go take care of Jazzi. So, I better hit the sack. I sure am glad I’m going to have a good night’s sleep, since it’s already 12:10 a.m!

Good night folks. See you tomorrow.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »