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Archive for November, 2009

“The optimist is right. The pessimist is right. The one differs from the other as the light from the dark. Yet both are right. Each is right from his own particular point of view, and this point of view is the determining factor in the life of each”……Ralph Waldo Trine, In Tune with the Infinite

I hopped on my Facebook page this morning and one of my friends had posted this quote.  Interestingly enough most of my friends on my Facebook are not too into metaphysical thinking or spiritual evolution,  so it’s not like all of my friends are posting this kind of thing. It really struck me, and I know it is no coincidence.  Interestingly enough, I have never ever heard of Ralph Waldo Trine.  Of course I have heard of many of his contemporaries, Ernest Homes, Mary Baker Eddy, etc…but now I am being introduced to him.  Strangely, as I cock my head to the right, I feel a trip to Barnes and Nobles coming on…

And what about this quote huh? I love this because it expresses exactly what I have learned to be true.  No one is right or wrong in their attitude, but that attitude will determine the kind of life each will live.  And the beautiful thing about attitudes is that we can change them! Now that’s something to get excited about!  Don’t you think!

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Have you ever  felt like a slug? I don’t mean squishy; I mean lazy, unable to really move and go through your day with energy and, even, effectiveness?  It seems that whatever I try to do today, I just want to lay back in bed and do nothing.  It’s been a day of lethargy as I try to catch up on rest from visiting with company and the holiday.  The strange thing, though, is I don’t feel rested in the slightest bit. I am, however, going through the motions, or lack of them anyway.  I’m trying to release my expectations of instant gratification, because, frankly, I’ve been resting most the day and I am still exhausted.  I’m hoping this is like meditation- I may not feel it working, but  it is regardless of whether I’m conscious of it or not.  All in all, I’m letting myself rest and taking care of myself as needed. 

Overall,  I think I have lived in the present today, not putting too much focus on tomorrow or the days after and honestly, not really even thinking about the past. I’ve been content , maybe more like a bug in my rug.  My phone battery ran out this morning and my charger is at my brother’s house, a half and hour away.  Though I feel a bit isolated, I also feel a little happy to not have to pay attention to a text or phone call.  It’s been all about what I want or need at any given moment, and that feels good.

So, today I am simply grateful for living in the moment.  I am content and happy as I am.  It’s okay to be tired and need rest.  It was a hell of a great week, and this is way better than getting sick because I don’t pay attention to what I need.  Being in touch with what I need and want is becoming increasingly easier as I continue to work this Triple Goddess Experiment.  As I learn to let go of thoughts that are extraneous, the more I am able to listen to myself and give myself what I need.  So, on that note, I really need to get my yoga and meditation done for today. Namaste.

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Exposing one’s own experience, struggles and victories, on one’s path, whatever that path may be takes courage beyond imagination.   I do this on a regular basis, and I am taking a moment to recognize this bravery formally in my blog as I have recently come under emotional attack by one of my brother’s peers.  In addition, I have also noticed that when exposing the “struggle” or my “imperfections” that strong emotions are elicited in others, and they treat me as something of a lost soul. 

It interests me (and admittedly hits my ego a bit) that there are many who feel that if you expose any struggle that you’ve been through that, either,  you are doting on it  Lord no!) or that you are fucked up.  Many people feel the need to project an image of perfection to the world, and indeed if you think about it many of our leaders, spiritual, political etc. do project this image.  They are not allowed to have faults, struggle and be human, for crying out loud.  But I’ll tell you, a true leader will lead by example and to do this effectively a leader must be honest.  People around us benefit by knowing that we are all going through the same bullshit.  Sharing our experiences with others will help them know that they are not alone, that they can overcome adversity and become their greatest selves.  This is the kind of person I want to be. No.  This is the person I am.

Playing the game of perfectionism is a losing battle, and no one benefits.  Love cannot be unconditional if we are not our true selves.  If we do not reveal all that we are, then the love we receive is not complete.   I will not settle for fear of not being good enough.  If people cannot see the beauty in me as I am, then they do not need to be in my life.  I know that there are many who have benefitted from my openness and honesty, and I guess if people think that I don’t have my shit together because of that honesty, it doesn’t really matter. 

And yes, of course, there is a part of me who’s writing this who wants to impress and please everybody, wanting people to think I’m da bomb.  Gracious, no!  Maybe that’s why this guy pissed me off.  Really, though, I will keep being me, keep loving myself and others, and will keep exposing my fallacies.  I don’t need to be any one’s guru.  I don’t need to be the South Bay California girl who’s “perfect” in a cotton candy world of bullshit. 

So, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and oh yeah! I 100% FORGOT to write my blog, do yoga, meditate and do my Law of Attraction yesterday…HA HA.  Not perfect! Apropos, huh?

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While I meditated this morning, overwhelming feelings of gratitude came to me.  I felt humble and so happy for everything in my life.  All that I want is here with me already, and I am revealing it, releasing  layers of fear and limited thinking as I do. It is no irony that tomorrow is Thanksgiving! I’m gettin’ in the mood early!

And I’ve decided, since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I am taking the day off. Yes. I have decided that this is important for me to give myself the holiday as a gift for all my hard work.  I’ll be enjoying the time with my family and friends…there will be around 22 of us! FUN!

I’d also like to share  words of gratitude from Sri Daya Mata from the Self-Realization Fellowship:

“At this festive time of Thanksgiving, let us observe it also as a blessed time in offering gratitude to the One who gives us so bountifully of His goodness and beauty in this world. If we look upon everything and everyone in a spirit of reverence for the indwelling Divine Creator, whether obvious or hidden, we know we are in His omnipresent, watchful love. A thankful heart recognizes God’s all-pervasive Presence, assuring us that in all circumstances we are eternally in the care of Him who is the ultimate source of our every need.”

More of Daya Mata’s Thanksgiving message.

She talks about trust and faith in knowing that we will always be taking care of.  We don’t need to live in anger, fear, and resentment.  In knowing that all of our needs are forever taken care of, it frees us to express our true selves.  I am forever grateful for that.

Happy Thanksgiving and Namaste.

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Work, work, whistle while I work.  Snow White had it right, she felt joy and happiness while working.  We are meant to feel love and joy in work!  Today, I did! I took care of the wonderful baby and finally was able to continue work on the graphics.  I’m finally getting paid on Friday for work already done…a paycheck my mind has tried to fret about.  Considering, however, my past history of fear in concern of money, I did quite well holding it together.  So, come on payday!

It looks like we are getting commissioned for the additional work that this guy had promised us but this time  we are negotiating a contract and won’t begin new work until every thing is signed.  Bryan and I are learning to take care of selves, business wise.  We are now negotiating contracts, up front payments and will be charging more for the work we do.  We have spent far too much time on projects that just don’t pay well…no more.  We’ll get great money for the great work we do.  Seems fair, huh?

I’m on the road to better finances! Yea for me!

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Today, I worked for probably 6 hours on music with Bryan, writing lyrics for a new Christmas song.  I had a very difficult time stopping, even though I was starving and getting way too much inside my own head.  I felt upset to stop and take a break.  I didn’t want to tear myself away from the work, but Bryan insisted as he knew I needed to eat and get fresh air, do my yoga and exercise. 

When I get in this creative zone, nothing else exists except the creation.  It’s as if the world stops and the only thing that exists is the creation and me.  I realized today that I love being in this zone, but it is hard to acclimate back to “normal” life.  Once I stop, I retain what I am doing for hours and hours, and today, unfortunately, I suffered a major headache from it. 

Bryan took me to eat and then we went to the park and while we waited for tennis courts, I did my yoga.  It, of course, helped ground me and pull me out of my mind and into my body a little more.  I felt better for it,  experiencing a much more balanced feeling. 

So, I feel conflicted, I love this artistic experience of being in the zone, but at the same time I end up  feeling lousy if I don’t set the boundaries with myself and eat and get exercise.  If Bryan wouldn’t have been here, I would have done nothing else but the writing, but would have felt entirely miserable. 

It seems that I wrote about this sort of experience before, and so I guess I’m realizing that this is an issue that returns itself.  Somehow, I need to accept this part of my artistic experience…accept it and screw everything else. Well, I really am not sure, but I will meditate on it…

after I finish the song.

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God Is There.

Please check out the above blog link “God is There”.  It is wonderful to find other people who are experiencing similar things that I am,  real people who don’t pretend to be perfect and have it all together but are finding inspiration, joy, love and God through meditation and are excited about it. 

It is important for those of us who are on a path of creating a better life for ourselves to share our experiences- our inspiration and our struggles with the path.  It is important, while putting myself out there in blogoshere, to be relatable and approachable.  I am no guru-there are real and wonderful gurus in the world…Jesus, Yogananda, Amma and others.  What I can do, however,  is to share my experiences and hopefully inspire others to better their own lives so they can be happy and find the joy that I have. 

Sometimes, people may feel like they must meditate perfectly or be an expert in yoga or do the  Law of Attraction perfectly and if they can’t then it is of no use to do any of them.  I felt this way for a while in my own life, because I was a perfectionist! If I can’t be the best or perfect, then it is of no use.  This thinking stemmed from low self-esteem.  Here is what I think about that now:

Yoga is a practice.  Benefits come from practicing it not being an expert at it.  It is in the everyday doing of it that is important not the level. 

Meditation, too, is a practice.  We gain the benefits of it from doing it even once! Even if our mind is in turmoil and can’t be shut off.  Even if our backs ache and we struggle with feeling comfortable.  When a person meditates, the intention is set.  The very act of doing it works on us.  Jamme Chantler wrote this in a comment to my blog titled “Another day in doing the do and trusting”.

“As I like to relate everything to things that Yogananda said, and since he did address almost every aspect of life, I wanted to mention here what he says about the dryness one often feels in meditation. What he said is particular to kriya yoga, the technique he was commissioned to spread to spiritual ready in the West, but it applies to all meditation. He said that by practicing meditation, an individual is gradually magnetizing the spine, with the muladhara chakra (at the coccyx) being the negative pole and the energy center between the eyebrows (the third eye) being the positive pole. When we feel nothing in meditation, no results, this is when we are 1. gradually magnetizing the spine, and 2. creating the good habit of meditation that will eventually carry us through the most difficult times in our life. While magnetizing the spine is most efficiently done by using a technique like kriya yoga which causes our prana to revolve around the spine which brings about gradual and continual evolution of our consciousness and understanding, even the basic techniques like prayer and chanting will help. For more information about kriya yoga and how it works with your body’s energy to evolve your sense of who you are, read chapter 26 entitled Kriya Yoga in Paramahansa Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi.”

Finally, the Law of Attraction works whether we conciously work it or not.  It is a Law of how the universe operates.  So, to do nothing, one is working it.  The point is to try to use it for our own benefit, so we can manifest what we want in our lives.  It is about learning to reprogram our thoughts so we can experience optimum happiness.  Just being aware of what one is thinking already helps immensely because it is then that we may begin to change.  This change, too, is a process.  The outcome that we are looking for…a nice home, a new career, a slimmer body… is just a reaction to our thinking.  What we have in our lives now is just a reaction and product to thoughts we’ve had.  Every moment is a new opportunity to create a different life.  This is never despair and there is always hope in using The Law of Attraction.  Believe it our not, it is your attitude about a thing that is important,  not the thing itself, and an attitude may always be changed.

I appreciate your comments.  They inspire me so much! if you have any questions about my process, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Blessings to you all and as always, Namaste.

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