Archive for December, 2009

I’ve been a million times less stressed and feeling quite happy, not so depressed, since I feel like I know what I want in my life (see my Triple Goddess Experiment blog from two days ago). My self-confidence is stemming from my connection to the infinite source of all. My self-esteem is lifting because I am looking inward. I am telling God that he’s just gonna have to take care of me, because I have things I want to do in my life. Things that are important that I know stem from divine will. How do I know this? Because I feel it, and because I feel immensely passionate about creating stories that inspire and help move people. Because I am thrilled at the prospect of helping people through my words.

Since I’ve been busy with post-Christmas celebrations, my yoga suffered last night and was whittled down to about 15 minutes. I felt a bit guilty about that, but spending time with my brother and niece for “our” Christmas was worth it. We had so much fun, and I am blessed with an amazing family, and that includes Bryan.

I’ve been grasping any opportunity I can to meditate, and it is so beneficial. When I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, I feel like I am connecting with the real world. Connecting to that reality is helping me tremendously in this one.



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Tips on meditation for beginners:

My only rule is to ask for protection from my Guru.  If you are Christian, ask Christ. If you are Jewish, ask God, etc. From there, my meditation will be different depending on my needs for that day or moment, even.  A few helpful bits of advice:

1. Follow your breath.  Though there are different techniques for different types of breathing , I most often just breath through the diaphragm making sure that on an inhalation my belly is pushed out and  on exhalation, it relaxes in.  Some times I breathe through the nose and exhale through the back of the throat.  However, I would say if you are new to meditation, don’t stress about a certain technique.  Most important is to focus the mind on the breath and not on everything else that is going on in your world.  Always return to the breath when the mind drifts and engages.

2. Don’t focus on the breath at all, rather focus on a particular “thing”, like God, love, joy. If you find your mind wandering, don’t worry! That’s normal. Just bring your focus back to what you are intending to meditate on!

3. Stop judging yourself on how well you meditate. Who cares, really! Your are doing it and THAT is what matters. 5 minutes a day. Fine. 10 great. 20 good. An hour- nice! Whatever You want. There is no right or wrong.

4. I would suggest sitting and not laying down. More often than not, you’ll fall asleep if you lay down. I do…every time.

Really that’s it. I let the rest happen and don’t worry about it too much. There are chants, mantras, techniques from yogis and masters, but you don’t need to worry about that. Just start. No excuses.

If you meditate, why don’t you add a tip to this list? Keep it simple, remember it’s for the beginner!

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What I am doing here at The Triple Goddess Experiment is, in truth, an experiment. For nearly 3 and 1/2 months I have practiced daily yoga, meditation and conscious affirmations and exercise to help me work with The Law of Attraction to bring my greatest dreams into my life. I had no idea where my life would end up after a year of doing this, but I figured it would be better than I was experiencing at that time.

Though I am just barely through a quarter of this experiment, I have learned so much about myself. I have discovered a strength inside of myself that I never knew existed. My dedication and determination to complete my tasks every day, with only breaks for the major holidays and an exploding computer, have created habits and the acknowledgement that I have the ability and capacity to follow through on things that are important to me…if I make a decision and commitment to myself. I know that I can do what I set my mind to.

I have also learned what is important to me. I have learned that looking within, and focusing my attention on my relationship with me, myself, and God (another trinity) is the single most important endeavor I can accomplish in my life. From that relationship, all aspects of my life will flow: relationships, career, money…ALL of it. There is nothing without my connection to my inner-self/God, and to try to live my life without it is like trying to live life without a constant source of water. Life becomes survival, a search for the next drink, but each one you find is never truly satisfying because it is fleeting. Constant happiness doesn’t come from those small drinks that life gives you, but from the never-ending source of happiness that some people call God, that I call God, and from that source, there are no limitations and no lack.

This is why I will be changing the focus of some of my Law of Attraction work. Some of the work that I have been doing has been very “get rich” orientated. Though I need money to accomplish much of what I want to in my life, my desire is to focus more on what those desires are. Having money has never been an end-all desire for me; rather, I need money to accomplish certain things in my life. It is difficult to write books, screenplays, and poetry, spend time healing and inspiring others, and travel without money. Worrying about how and when I will pay my bills is not conductive to having any of this in my life. Nice clothes, nice cars and homes should reflect my self-esteem but not give me self-esteem.

One of the reasons I don’t have money right now is because I haven’t believed that I deserve it. Thus far, my desire to earn a lot of money has been to feel up to par with the rest of the people in my age group..hence the problem with being 40 and having virtually nothing in regards to material things. This desire is changing. I know that I have a right to all of the abundances God has to offer, and I wish to use them to my greatest good and the greatest good of all.

So, keep reading. This is where this gets even more interesting. This is transformation of the most important kind…right in front of your eyes. I hope that I can inspire you in your life, and I would ask that you let your friends know about my blog because, maybe, just maybe, I could help touch their lives too.


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Finally, oh finally, I decided to really get back to meditation and not approach it with one eye open, so to speak. My mind has been so full of worry and stress- I just couldn’t stand that state anymore. So, when I sat cross-legged on the bed and closed my eyes, holding my two crystals, I begged for God. For a long time I told God how much I wanted him/her. Then, it came to me to meditate on love, so I thought of everyone I love on this earth and held that in my consciousness. Suddenly it dawned on me to pour that love into my own being. So, I imagined it spiraling itself down into my body around my spine and from there spreading itself into the rest of me. I sat quietly like that for some time. Then, I thought I was going to fall asleep, like I was nodding off, so I resisted going into that state. Finally, I couldn’t resist it anymore, but instead of falling asleep, it was like I woke up. My senses were heightened and everything was more alive. An incredible peace filled my being, warm and so loving, and I thought, “Oh, thank God!…Home.”


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Well, it’s been two and a half months since my last postural photos, so before Christmas, on Dec 20, we took more pictures so we could visually measure the difference. Thank God we took them before Christmas cause I ate so much over the season, I think we’d be seeing more of a weight gain than we are. Ugg.

The biggest change, I think, can be seen in the forward bend.

The downward dog shows change in where my feet are able to press down, and the arch in my hips is slightly more pointed now.

These are the only directly comparison photos, but I want to show my forward bend in seated position now. It is dramatically better. I could barely touch my toes before.

Regardless, I’ve been experiencing major, major low back pain…not talking about it too much, but want to say that I am keeping up with the yoga anyway and doing what I need to do to care for it. I have also made a decision to start some sort of fitness program. I need to sweat and exert myself physically to relieve stress. It will also help keep my weight down since I’ve been turning to food to comfort my worries. I’ve thought about the salsa, but not sure my body is ready for that…high heels…or my mind. I am thinking about trying the sand hill a few days a week. Maybe I could try today, just slowly, a couple of times. I could do that.

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My latest assignment from Cheryl Squiers from Become a Lotus is as follows:

But one of the thing that I want you to do is to spend one hour a day, everyday from now on, pretending that you’re rich. Remember when you were little and you use to play the Wizard of Oz and all the other pretend games you played – it was easy, it was FUN. Well this is going to be fun. You’re going to talk rich, think rich, walk around and pretend you’re rich. You’re going to go to rich stores, rich neighborhoods. When you stay in the mansion, you’re going to pretend that it is yours! You’re going to talk about your money and what you’re going to invest in. You are going to be rich, then you will be able to see what it feels like and when you do, you shall move the heavens and earth and will create yourself as a wealthy wealthy person.
So everyday, from now on, for one hour you will be rich, period.

So, today my brother took me out for a wonderful Christmas dinner at a very nice restaurant. I took the opportunity and dressed up-wore my Burberry trench coat (it retails for $1200). I feel rich in that coat, that’s for sure, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to practice feeling rich. I ordered exactly what I wanted on the menu and didn’t worry about the price (thanks again Rob). Feeling rich makes me feel powerful, like I can do anything. It also makes me feel like I have more options in my life. So, tomorrow, I’ll practice some more.

Happy Holidays-Namaste.

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4 Advils and a Christmas cookie. It’s the sweet concoction to remedy feeling sad about being without my family for the holidays. It’s been a miserable day- Eckhart Tolle would be ashamed of me. My projection of a lonely holiday and my all around negative attitude concerning money reaches to the heights of Mt. Everest. Not having the money to buy Christmas presents for my family is the hardest thing I’ve had to endure since I started this experiment. Why are some of us more willing to let ourselves suffer than the people we love? I feel guilty that they are all buying me presents.

I know my family isn’t worried about the no Christmas present thing, but I guess it’s my self-esteem that has taken a hit since I’ve been having financial difficulties. I feel worthless and I only feel lovable and valuable if I am giving to some one. I know intellectually that this isn’t true. Now, I just need to feel it emotionally.

So what does one do when one has no extra cash to spend at Christmas time and no family member (besides my sweet Bryan) to spend the day with?

That’s right. Go out for Chinese. Ming’s Dynasty here we come! If we’re lucky we can order roasted duck and sing Fa RARARARA RARARARA.

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