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Archive for the ‘Job and Career’ Category

Hello dear friends. I know some of you were wondering what happened to me. It’s been so long since I posted anything. Truth is that I got so incredibly busy with work that I didn’t take the time for my experiment. At first I felt guilty about this, but now I’ve come to terms with it. I wanted to see where this experiment would take me, and I’ve found out that if you really take the time to listen to what’s inside of you and connect with YOU, then the rest of your life will fall into place. I am the happiest I’ve been in my life. I am happy with my work, massage and graphic design. I took the risk and honored myself and who I am-it has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done for myself.

I had a talk recently with my mom, and what I realized is that sometimes we, as humans, may get scared, or angry or full of emotions. But to act in a way that is best for us, regardless of these feelings, is true bravery, and what we must do to live a more fulfilled life. Emotions are incredible and let us learn about ourselves, where are boundaries are and reveal our capacity for love and empathy. However, emotions are just emotions and can hinder us if we let them control our lives and choices.

For instance, many love a partner who is abusive and withstand enormous pain because they are giving power to that love, rather than caring for themselves. Or we feel scared to face the unknown, to take a risk and really pursue our dreams, so we work a job that makes us feel miserable. Or we never take that art class because we are afraid of failure, and we never truly live life to its fullest. The truth is that while these emotions may be valid…they may hinder our growth and happiness.

And of course, the flip side is that emotions can keep us safe, when we are really in danger. Fear will stop us from making dangerous choices like going for a walk alone at midnight in a gang infested neighborhood, and anger helps us identify when a boundary has been crossed or violated. Admittedly, we should pay attention to these feelings.

However, it is important to step back from our feelings, even if for just a moment, so we can determine if action needs to be taken. For instance, I want to read my poetry at open mic night at Barnes and Nobles. I’m terrified! Yet, stepping back from that fear, I know that reading my poetry will be beneficial for me. Sharing my writing is important to me, and it could open door to opportunities, friendships and it could help someone who is listening to my reading. So, I will do it regardless of my fear.

Life, love and happiness.

Namaste.

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I am really enjoying my work, both as a massage therapist and a graphic designer. Meditation really helped me figure out who I am and what I needed to be doing in my life. Though I plan on snowballing this graphics work into more video production work, and then writing and creating movies, I feel so incredibly happy using my creative talents and brains.

At times I am struggling with time constraints. I’ve been incredibly busy, and I think that family and friend time will always be incredibly important to me. My mother is coming out to visit in a few weeks, and I am so excited. I am much less stressed than the last few times she has been here. I feel like I will be able to enjoy her so much more. I am definitely able to relax and let go now. Thank God. So, I just need to plan my time a little better and let go when I need to.

So, I’ve got to get to the yoga and meditation. The yoga was a little inconsistent for about three days and my hip starting hurting quite badly for a few days. I tried to lapse back to my old ways, but good old pain wouldn’t let me. HA.

If you’re thinking about making this same kind of change in your life. Do it. You won’t be sorry. I am a different person than I was six months ago.

Namaste.

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161 days to drastically change your life. That’s how long it took. Okay, I don’t have the castle in Scotland yet or the dog named Chummy, but signing a 6 month graphic design and video production contract with a company poised to be a major world-wide corporate entity is a major step in the right direction. Yah, that’s what we did tonight. It’s been hard work, some fourteen hour days, but it’s worth it.

And last Sept 20, when I started this Triple Goddess Experiment, I had quit my major source of income, a job I drastically hated, and worked part-time caring for my friend’s daughter. I took slack and judgment from friends and non-friends for the bold move I made, but I just knew I needed to make room for my dreams to come into my life. Then, things got tough with that part-time job, and finances got even tougher. I was at times depressed and miserable, but I kept up the experiment. I meditated every day, practiced my yoga, and completed assignment after assignment from my coach, Cheryl Squiers of Become a Lotus. It has been the toughest thing I’ve ever done.

And I’m still doing it. Because this isn’t a fad or an experiment anymore, it’s a way of life. Although, there are days when I don’t get a chance to post a blog and days when I still struggle, I have drastically changed my thought patterns. Having success, of course, will help continue to snowball these positive thoughts into more positive thoughts.

I can see my dreams and a more concrete plan for achieving them more clearly. This website will have the kind of exposure designers can only dream of. It will open many doors for us. Our video production work will be up front and center on this homepage. The potential is huge, and this will help me really follow this direction in my career. Yeah, I still want to write and direct and make stories. I’ve taken the first giant step on this ladder towards that goal.

So, I’m keepin’ on keepin’ on. This blog’s for you Holly.

Namaste.

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Ask God.

It’s been three days. No blog. No meditation. No yoga. It’s the reverse trinity. The 666 of the Triple Goddess Experiment. And it feels like shit.

Because living everyday with meditation, yoga and creating the life I want in my thoughts makes me feel connected to all aspects to myself. The truth is that I’ve been extremely busy-I didn’t have a day off work of some sort in almost two weeks. I’ve been massaging, taking care of the baby…which is now over, and most excitingly been working on a potential account for Talbotgraphix. We are trying to lock down a client to a contract with a six month retainer that would bring in an extra $500 a month for both Bryan and I. So, it’s been a big deal…and it’s not done yet. We meet with the hotshot on Friday and pitch video ideas. We feel like Samantha and Darren off to meet with Mr. Tate. It could potentially propel us into better and bigger accounts-I gotta take that ticket.

Yet, of course, there’s a lack of balance in this way of living, but I knew it was going to be like this for a few weeks while jobs overlapped. And, frankly, it felt good to work again instead of always looking for work. Yes. My self-esteem is somewhat tied into my job and ability to care for myself. Well, it’s all a process isn’t it?

So, now I sink back into balance. I’ve been resting all day, and even slept for two and a half hours. I will do my yoga after dinner and meditate before bed. It’ll feel good. I already know it. This really is my life now-the triple goddess way of life. You know how I know? Because it just feels wrong to do anything else.

And I just read a passage from my guru. He says to place trust in God. So, I will do that tonight. I will meditate and when I feel communion with her, I will ask. I will ask. And I will find all of myself again.

Namaste.

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Letting go. Two words. Mastery should be easy, right? Humph. Right.

Today was my last day of work taking care of the baby. I sobbed when I left. Called Bryan, then my mom. Ma made me pull the car over to cry, so I wouldn’t get in an accident..(she’s such a mom!) I feel like I broke up with her, or even worse, like she died.

I am not really sure where things stand with the mom. We haven’t really communicated in a long time. I think maybe we need time to let things heal. Then, I’ll approach her to talk things over with her. I do hope the relationship can be salvaged-but I’m not sure. She’s changed a lot since getting married. I hardly recognize her. Physically and other-wise.

Or maybe I should let go of the friendship. I just don’t know. Time will tell. Bryan is a huge proponent of proper timing, so I’ll pay attention to that. We need space away from everything that happened.

All this uncertainty makes it much more difficult to say goodbye to the baby. I’m not happy with the parent’s decision to place her in daycare. I think it’s a huge mistake, and I’m afraid the baby will suffer. I know she will mourn me, as I will her. I have no control over this and must let go of the baby. I may never see her again.

Why is letting go always so damn difficult? It is necessary to help me move forward. I think of “letting go” this way: allowing movement. The word “letting” actually assumes allowance. To let something happen, you allow it to happen. “Go” suggests movement and movement forward. Letting go is about getting out of the damn way of yourself and taking the steps you need to in order to create motion.

So, as difficult as that is, I will do it, and I start by allowing myself to mourn her. So, I sobbed. I will again However, I will embrace my new opportunities, appreciate what I have and really focus on what is, not on what was. And when the sadness comes, I will understand it comes because I was not afraid to love a year and a half-year old baby girl with abandon. I was not afraid to let her into my heart. And she will be there always.

Namaste.

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Day 3 of massaging. My body is feeling great, and my attitude is much improved. I went to work early today and practiced yoga for 45 minutes before massaging, and when I was through, I jumped in the hot tub for 10 minutes. I’m eating on the zone, taking vitamins and other herbal supplements. I am starting to feel like myself again. Ya know, I missed me.

This is all an integral step in creating the life I want. It’s like if I can regain what I lost before all my injuries, then I feel like I can move forward. And it feels so great to heal. I massaged a woman today who I had massaged regularly years ago. I had suggested she get checked by a doctor for some particular issues in her back, and her doctor was impressed that I had noticed what was wrong. She is being monitored by him every six months. We never know the positive effect we have on people, and for me it is so satisfying to help others like this. I make people feel better, less stressed and occasionally, help them through severe medical problems. Most often, I relieve pain in their bodies. I love healing.

Like I said yesterday, my next step is to heal through art. It’s funny. An old man whom I had massaged had told me that I was a healer but that I didn’t realize it yet. He felt that one day I would become a great healer and change lives. I’m there. I realize and recognize my gifts; he was right.

I am a healer, and I’m proud.

Namaste.

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It’s odd how working gives me a much greater sense of self-esteem. Actually, nix that. It’s incredible how much better I feel after working a job that expresses who I am.

The two words, artist and healer, are nouns that express two distinct aspects of myself. Through much hard work during the last four and a half months, I realize that I must express both of these aspects of myself to be truly happy. I started my new job yesterday as a massage therapist, and felt overwhelming joy knowing that I am helping these people feel better, whether it’s simply through relaxation or by helping their bodies heal. I left work with a little cash in my pocket, and I didn’t feel as if I had to sell my soul to get it. Leaving the bar was a correct step in healing my own life. Accepting work as a massage therapist again, is the correct step in helping to bring my life closer to how I envision it.

But what about my art? I have always loved the arts- theater, song, dance, painting, writing- but I never knew, really knew what I wanted to do with this passion. My mother always encouraged me to pursue the arts because I loved it, which is reason enough, I suppose, for most people, but I always felt that there was something missing for me in this reasoning. I never felt it was expressing the entirety of who I am.

I believe true art expresses the voice of the artist and elicits an emotion and change in the person who hears that voice. Reflecting on the last four and a half moths, I realize that my art is meant to heal. My greatest wish, then, is to integrate healing into my art. Commercial art is great- it helps pay the bills- but to heal through my art would be profound. Although healing in itself is also an art, my desire is to ultimately heal through my writing, film, song, painting and dance.

Integrating these aspects of myself must be the purpose of my life. I know that know. Massaging and energy healing is a strong step in expressing who I am, but like commercial art, does not integrate these aspects. Each step I take in my future, then, will be to bring healing into my art.

This will be my greatest joy in my life. This is my impetus for all that I do.

This is my vision.

Namaste.

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