Posts Tagged ‘affirmations’

161 days to drastically change your life. That’s how long it took. Okay, I don’t have the castle in Scotland yet or the dog named Chummy, but signing a 6 month graphic design and video production contract with a company poised to be a major world-wide corporate entity is a major step in the right direction. Yah, that’s what we did tonight. It’s been hard work, some fourteen hour days, but it’s worth it.

And last Sept 20, when I started this Triple Goddess Experiment, I had quit my major source of income, a job I drastically hated, and worked part-time caring for my friend’s daughter. I took slack and judgment from friends and non-friends for the bold move I made, but I just knew I needed to make room for my dreams to come into my life. Then, things got tough with that part-time job, and finances got even tougher. I was at times depressed and miserable, but I kept up the experiment. I meditated every day, practiced my yoga, and completed assignment after assignment from my coach, Cheryl Squiers of Become a Lotus. It has been the toughest thing I’ve ever done.

And I’m still doing it. Because this isn’t a fad or an experiment anymore, it’s a way of life. Although, there are days when I don’t get a chance to post a blog and days when I still struggle, I have drastically changed my thought patterns. Having success, of course, will help continue to snowball these positive thoughts into more positive thoughts.

I can see my dreams and a more concrete plan for achieving them more clearly. This website will have the kind of exposure designers can only dream of. It will open many doors for us. Our video production work will be up front and center on this homepage. The potential is huge, and this will help me really follow this direction in my career. Yeah, I still want to write and direct and make stories. I’ve taken the first giant step on this ladder towards that goal.

So, I’m keepin’ on keepin’ on. This blog’s for you Holly.



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Well, my coach, Cheryl Squiers, quit on me- but my mother, Cheryl Squiers, is back. I have mixed feelings about it. It was a big decision when I asked my mother, a Law of Attraction Teacher, Coach and Speaker, to coach me. We’ve had a past in which I always felt like I couldn’t live up to her expectations-she was the perfect stage mom. I become very guarded and defensive around her. She felt she wasn’t a good enough mother, according to me. And I felt I wasn’t a good enough daughter, according to her. Over the years, we have both worked on our selves, self-esteem, and tools to take care of ourselves. We learned to love ourselves, and since we loved ourselves, we were able to feel each other’s love. I felt that our relationship was finally to the point where I could listen to what she had to teach me.

The experiment was going great for several months, but eventually I started feeling like I was always talking to my coach and not my mother. I began missing her, and our conversations were tense until I finally realized what I was feeling…and I told her. My mother is so incredibly smart, caring, loving and just wonderful. She is a brilliant speaker, a caring coach and an inspiring teacher…but even though she is all of those wonderful things…a girl needs her mom. I needed my mom back. She took a look at how she was acting and felt like she couldn’t turn off the coach with me. She validated how I was feeling. So, she decided to stop coaching me.

So, now the question is, do I find another coach? Or do I coach myself. I have to meditate on this one. I am not sure.

As always, thanks for your support and listening.

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So how many of you feel like a failure when you “work” The Law of Attraction and all that you’ve focused on still doesn’t manifest in your life? Yeah, me, me, me, me, me. It’s been four months, and I’m still having crying breakdowns and little money in the bank. And what about you? Have you lost that weight yet or gotten that promotion? Have you attracted the love of your life?

Sometimes I think that aspects of The Law of Attraction give me more reason to blame myself for a crappy life. I feel more pressure to be a perfectionist and have it all together. Man, everyone can see how much I hate myself because I am not living my dreams. It’s all my fault I’m in this predicament. Does this ring true for any of you?

What I do love about The Law of Attraction is that it gives us our power back and God knows that we haven’t had power over our lives for a long time. Church and religion manipulated our very thoughts; oppression and fear will do that. You mean I can change my life? GOODY! The problem, however, is for those of us who are perfectionists and give it our all and are still coming up short. I give myself an A+ for effort, and a D on the mid-term, and I blame myself for all my misery, which makes me more miserable.

So what does this mean?

It means that the purpose in working The Law of Attraction isn’t to get all the shit you ever wanted. It isn’t to look at what you have attracted or not attracted as a measure of success. As a matter of fact, all that’s a bunch of bull shit. Judging yourself and being hard on yourself will simply take you further away from your true essence. The importance of working The Law of Attraction is that it allows you to have a better life along the way to your destination. There are several aspects of working The Law of Attraction that will help you be happier. Period.

Positive thinking and affirmations will shift your thinking. According to The Law of Attraction this will allow you to attract things in your life that match the energetic vibration of your thoughts. However, it will also allow you to enjoy the present moment. It is hard to be unhappy when you choose to think more positively. So, don’t do it for the future and what you will have. Do it for the NOW. That is all we have anyway. Further, when we think in a more positive way, we will react to any crap that does come our way in a manner that brings us more lightheartedness than heart ache. It is hard to react poorly when we are concentrating in a higher vibrational frequency. And if we do, oh well. Pick yourself up and try try again. We’re in school. We haven’t graduated to guru yet.

Grateful living that embodies the emotion of appreciation will tell the universe that you are abundant and full of wonderful things. This in turn will bring you MORE wonderful things. This is true according to The LOA. Straight up, living with gratitude will humble you and allow you to feel more connected to others. You will find that you will bring much joy to your relationships and they will flourish because people will feel valued. Living with gratitude fills your life with love.

As you start to think about what you do want in your life and work with all your gusto to attract it into your life with all the techniques I’ve talked about or others have shown you, you will come in contact with your passions and your true self. You will begin to focus on your greatest purpose. There is no time that you are closer to your true essence as when you are living your true purpose and expressing your honest self. Be prepared, however. It might not be what you thought it was. Be flexible to discover your truth. It is not an act of becoming that purpose, but in uncovering and revealing that true-self. This is the true beauty.

So, yes. I have been hard on myself for not attracting all that I want in my life yet. I know you are hard on yourself too. We usually are. But blame has no place in working with The Law of Attraction. Working it is not to attract that end desire.

Working The LOA is spiritual, pure and simple. And keep on, keepin on. It’s a way of life.


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Part of my homework from my coach, Cheryl Squiers, was to pay attention to my thoughts…back to kindergarten. Reminds me of that game “Go to the Head of the CLass.” Fuck, I’m aging myself. So, anyway, here’s a snippet of today:

Yipee, I slept great all night long. I’m grateful for my bed, my car, Bryan, Jimmy, Mama, Robby, Sarah, Cara, and dad, and my new job interview tomorrow…coffee, coffee, so I don’t get a headache. Lucy(name changed to protect all involved) is such a fucking cold-hearted bitch, I should just not show up today, ha, ha. Serve her right. Oh, shit. That’s not what I want ot focus on. Money. Money. rent. I need money for rent. Where? what can I sell, Fuck Ebay sucks these days. I can’t believe she said that to me, but I love the baby. Yeah, fuck her!! Shit I really gained weight these few months, my belly is all bloated again, gotta go poop, why aren’t I going poop? I should take Metamucil, or eat a Cliff bar, or how about spinach everyday, that’ll make me shit. Fuck, I gotta leave, oh no, the tires on my car. Shit. Shut up. Don’t think about it. You’ll get a new job, you’ll pay Rob the money you owe him and get your car fixed. Hey look at me I’m thinking positive today, It’s fucking cold outside, thank God for my red coat. Traffic, which way, shit fucking bitch moved to Santa Monica, I’m not going. Fuck her, suck it up. Kimmy. Remember take care of yourself first. Oh yeah, Oh my God, I got fat. Yah, but you’re still cute and Bryan loves you, yeah, but I still wanna look sexy. Well, then exercise and eat right. Yeah, I really need to eat better. Shit! I am thin, I am thin. Tell her exactly what I think. No, no, you need the money right now. Play it cool. Okay, should get there late, that’d fix her. Karma Kimmy, stop obsessing, I got a job interview, yeah! You are smart and talented, and are smarter than all these fucking assholes in these houses. Why am I in a dinky fucking studio? Because you never expected anything of yourself. How did that happen? Who knows, who cares, just fix it. Okay. I’m great, money money, come to me. I hope Bryan feel better today. I miss him, poor baby. I’m gonna strangle her, how dare she be so cold to me! After everything together! Forget it, forget her.

Okay, so you get the idea, right? I’m obsessed with crazy thoughts. And this was literally all before 7 o’clock in the morning. As the day went on I was able to let go of some of that anger towards “Lucy”, but the rest stayed about the same.


Addendum: Yes, this was a two parter, so apologies to my coach and myself for leaving off the second part of the assignment which was to replace each negative thought with two positive ones. Please see the string of commentary below for further info, instruction and enlightenment on this matter.

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Sometimes I can’t help but wonder how many people read this blog. Can one woman’s personal struggle to find meaning and happiness in her own life inspire people to come back time and again to participate in the journey with her? Should I have attached myself to some celebrity like Oprah (front page of Yahoo!) or Julia Childs?

How bouts some good old-fashioned gossip then? So, I already am struggling financially having had several exciting projects fall through the cracks of my ever diligent, rewired brain. Rewired apparently by thoughts of fear and lack of money, and diligent like in the last week I didn’t do even one affirmation.
Anyway, I’m so needing to get to work tomorrow and make some cash, and one more time the mother of the baby I care for cancels on me. Since she is my friend, when she casually explains that there are only five patients tomorrow and it’s her turn to “not” go in, I “casually” tell her that it is financial difficult on me when she cancels on me last-minute. I explained to her that I set this time aside to work and that I am counting on that money. She coldly and too quickly says, “Well, we were going to put the baby in daycare soon anyway.” Wow. Now that is someone who is ungrateful for what she has and is self-involved. Daycare will make her pay when she last-minute cancels regardless as to whether the baby attends or not, and the baby will not get care that is even close to what I have provided her with.

You know I really do deserve to be appreciated, valued in all aspects of my life and in work, compensated well for my time.

So, I have reevaluated my needs and desires for my life and have decided that my first priority is to gain employment that provides me with an income I can depend on. Cheryl of Become a Lotus has decided to simplify things for me and take me back to simple affirmations. So, here are two I have decide to focus on.

1. I find new work easily.
2. My new employer pays me very well, treats me very well and greatly appreciates me.

So, a damaged friendship and troubled finances. Now, if only my friend’s name were Lady GaGa, I’d get 1,000 hits on my blog today.

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This is my 106th day, out of 365, of my Triple Goddess Experiment, and my life’s direction is taking shape.
I know that I have the gift of healing, and the ability to inspire people to better themselves and their lives. I will be working on combining this talent with my passion for creating and writing stories. As I work on a book which explore the themes of good and evil and their relationship to free-will, I am also working on a comedic animated screenplay that’s underlying theme is unconditional love. The more I keep my focus on my desire to express these messages, the easier it will be for me to finish them!

In addition, I will be working on The Triple Goddess Experiment Challenge, which will inspire and challenge those who wish to sign on to their own Triple Goddess/God Experiment. This will take work, but my vision is to provide the network and support for individuals to be able to change their lives for the better through meditation, yoga and the concsious application of the Law of Attraction in their lives. More to come on this later.

I appreciate all your ideas and suggestions.

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A new post for a new year. I’m happy to get back to my regular scheduling. It has indeed been difficult to complete all of my postings during this season. I think I’ve done fairly well, however.

So, what do I write to start the New Year? I could spew all the normal stuff about how I’m going to do this or that. How I’m really gonna get this done or that done. But honestly, I am continually and constantly reviewing myself and my life. This is really what The Triple Goddess Experiment is all about.

However, I am extremely interested in expressing my gratitude for much that I have in my life:
a relationship with a wonderful baby girl who has taught me to remember the pureness of spirit,
a continuing wonderful relationship with Bryan which is built on respect and love,
a relationship with a new guru,
an online voice in which I can share, inspire and build relationships with people of like mind,
a mother who has guided and given more hope to me than she can ever know through her coaching and through her example,
brothers who have supported and loved me through all of this financial and spiritual crisis,
a friend in Cara who inspires me to be a better, more giving loving person and who “gets” me,
a niece whose pure, kind spirit and natural goodness teaches me more about myself than I thought could ever be possible,
a family in Maine whose unconditional and constant love leaves me breathless, a body that is increasingly flexible,
a new apartment so that I can rest my mind and body,
new creative and career opportunities.

I really don’t know how I could ever have thought that I wasn’t rich. I am wealthy and loved and so incredibly rich! Instead of making a resolution this year, why don’t you make a list of what your grateful for? Then, maybe, you can discover your wealth!


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