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Posts Tagged ‘career’

Hello dear friends. I know some of you were wondering what happened to me. It’s been so long since I posted anything. Truth is that I got so incredibly busy with work that I didn’t take the time for my experiment. At first I felt guilty about this, but now I’ve come to terms with it. I wanted to see where this experiment would take me, and I’ve found out that if you really take the time to listen to what’s inside of you and connect with YOU, then the rest of your life will fall into place. I am the happiest I’ve been in my life. I am happy with my work, massage and graphic design. I took the risk and honored myself and who I am-it has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done for myself.

I had a talk recently with my mom, and what I realized is that sometimes we, as humans, may get scared, or angry or full of emotions. But to act in a way that is best for us, regardless of these feelings, is true bravery, and what we must do to live a more fulfilled life. Emotions are incredible and let us learn about ourselves, where are boundaries are and reveal our capacity for love and empathy. However, emotions are just emotions and can hinder us if we let them control our lives and choices.

For instance, many love a partner who is abusive and withstand enormous pain because they are giving power to that love, rather than caring for themselves. Or we feel scared to face the unknown, to take a risk and really pursue our dreams, so we work a job that makes us feel miserable. Or we never take that art class because we are afraid of failure, and we never truly live life to its fullest. The truth is that while these emotions may be valid…they may hinder our growth and happiness.

And of course, the flip side is that emotions can keep us safe, when we are really in danger. Fear will stop us from making dangerous choices like going for a walk alone at midnight in a gang infested neighborhood, and anger helps us identify when a boundary has been crossed or violated. Admittedly, we should pay attention to these feelings.

However, it is important to step back from our feelings, even if for just a moment, so we can determine if action needs to be taken. For instance, I want to read my poetry at open mic night at Barnes and Nobles. I’m terrified! Yet, stepping back from that fear, I know that reading my poetry will be beneficial for me. Sharing my writing is important to me, and it could open door to opportunities, friendships and it could help someone who is listening to my reading. So, I will do it regardless of my fear.

Life, love and happiness.

Namaste.

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I am really enjoying my work, both as a massage therapist and a graphic designer. Meditation really helped me figure out who I am and what I needed to be doing in my life. Though I plan on snowballing this graphics work into more video production work, and then writing and creating movies, I feel so incredibly happy using my creative talents and brains.

At times I am struggling with time constraints. I’ve been incredibly busy, and I think that family and friend time will always be incredibly important to me. My mother is coming out to visit in a few weeks, and I am so excited. I am much less stressed than the last few times she has been here. I feel like I will be able to enjoy her so much more. I am definitely able to relax and let go now. Thank God. So, I just need to plan my time a little better and let go when I need to.

So, I’ve got to get to the yoga and meditation. The yoga was a little inconsistent for about three days and my hip starting hurting quite badly for a few days. I tried to lapse back to my old ways, but good old pain wouldn’t let me. HA.

If you’re thinking about making this same kind of change in your life. Do it. You won’t be sorry. I am a different person than I was six months ago.

Namaste.

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Day 3 of massaging. My body is feeling great, and my attitude is much improved. I went to work early today and practiced yoga for 45 minutes before massaging, and when I was through, I jumped in the hot tub for 10 minutes. I’m eating on the zone, taking vitamins and other herbal supplements. I am starting to feel like myself again. Ya know, I missed me.

This is all an integral step in creating the life I want. It’s like if I can regain what I lost before all my injuries, then I feel like I can move forward. And it feels so great to heal. I massaged a woman today who I had massaged regularly years ago. I had suggested she get checked by a doctor for some particular issues in her back, and her doctor was impressed that I had noticed what was wrong. She is being monitored by him every six months. We never know the positive effect we have on people, and for me it is so satisfying to help others like this. I make people feel better, less stressed and occasionally, help them through severe medical problems. Most often, I relieve pain in their bodies. I love healing.

Like I said yesterday, my next step is to heal through art. It’s funny. An old man whom I had massaged had told me that I was a healer but that I didn’t realize it yet. He felt that one day I would become a great healer and change lives. I’m there. I realize and recognize my gifts; he was right.

I am a healer, and I’m proud.

Namaste.

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It’s odd how working gives me a much greater sense of self-esteem. Actually, nix that. It’s incredible how much better I feel after working a job that expresses who I am.

The two words, artist and healer, are nouns that express two distinct aspects of myself. Through much hard work during the last four and a half months, I realize that I must express both of these aspects of myself to be truly happy. I started my new job yesterday as a massage therapist, and felt overwhelming joy knowing that I am helping these people feel better, whether it’s simply through relaxation or by helping their bodies heal. I left work with a little cash in my pocket, and I didn’t feel as if I had to sell my soul to get it. Leaving the bar was a correct step in healing my own life. Accepting work as a massage therapist again, is the correct step in helping to bring my life closer to how I envision it.

But what about my art? I have always loved the arts- theater, song, dance, painting, writing- but I never knew, really knew what I wanted to do with this passion. My mother always encouraged me to pursue the arts because I loved it, which is reason enough, I suppose, for most people, but I always felt that there was something missing for me in this reasoning. I never felt it was expressing the entirety of who I am.

I believe true art expresses the voice of the artist and elicits an emotion and change in the person who hears that voice. Reflecting on the last four and a half moths, I realize that my art is meant to heal. My greatest wish, then, is to integrate healing into my art. Commercial art is great- it helps pay the bills- but to heal through my art would be profound. Although healing in itself is also an art, my desire is to ultimately heal through my writing, film, song, painting and dance.

Integrating these aspects of myself must be the purpose of my life. I know that know. Massaging and energy healing is a strong step in expressing who I am, but like commercial art, does not integrate these aspects. Each step I take in my future, then, will be to bring healing into my art.

This will be my greatest joy in my life. This is my impetus for all that I do.

This is my vision.

Namaste.

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I must apologize to all my followers for not writing the past two days. My power cord on my computer is on its last leg; I actually haven’t been able to get it to work for the past two days at all. Bryan came over this morning and fiddled with it and was finally able to get it to work. I can’t move the computer or even the cord or I’m shit out of luck. I need to buy a new cord on Ebay as soon as I’m done posting this blog. Oh yeah, and a funny note. Bryan and I were at Borders a few days ago and needed to look up rental car companies on my computer on the internet-poor guy blew through two cars in two days- and we spent a half an hour fiddling with the stupid cord. The little blue light that tells you power is getting to the computer would come on for a fraction of a second and then die out. We kept unplugging it and then plugging it back in over and over. Finally we get a blue light, and we realize he friggin’ things not plugged in at all! AHHHHH! Talk about freaky…

It’s been a stressful week. The restaurant I was hoping to get a job at didn’t hire me-who knows why. The mother of the little girl I care for told me my last day is on Feb 9th as they’re putting her in daycare…so sad (I don’t agree with the decision, but I’m not the parent. I just hate o see her suffer). My brain went to a pretty bad place, and I broke down crying and crying to Bryan. My coach reminded me that it’s because my thoughts were negative. Couldn’t argue there. I let it all out, the fear, the pain of a damaged friendship, the disappointment. I lived in it for a solid 3 hours plus a shitty night’s sleep. Strangely, I feel better and renewed. I guess it would have been better not to go there in my mind, but I ain’t there yet. I still unfortunately belong to the human race. The one where emotions, especially fears, can get the better of us.

So, anyway, moving on…got a job at a spa I used to work at years ago. They were pretty happy to have me back. I’ve been thinking about it for the past two weeks or so. One of the great benefits is that I get a full gym membership with FREE yoga classes, hot tub, jacuzzi, and dance classes. I’ve felt the need to take yoga to the next level and work out and dance. I’m excited about this.

My coach worries that I’m taking a step backwards…but I honestly feel like the last two years of my life has been a step backwards. I feel like it’s a step forward and will allow me peace of mind that will allow me to focus on my writing. I did the most writing in the past when I worked here.

And if it doesn’t work out, for whatever reason, I’d be no worse off than I am now.

I’ve worked hard for 4 months on all this stuff…my yoga, meditation and LOA stuff. I am not perfect at it, but I do feel like it’s leading me in the right direction.

Thanks for listening.

Namaste.

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Why is it that I have my greatest epiphanies in the bathtub?

Ironic since I hated to take a bath when I was a kid. Once mom told me to take a bath-I was six or so. I went in the bathroom, sat there (on the toilet with the lid closed) for a while. I got up, got into my jammies and exited. Mama asked me if I took a bath, and I eagerly replied. “Ye-es!” She went to the tub, touched its sides, and felt up the soap. KIMBERLY ANNE! You get in here and take a bath right now!! Shit, busted! I got smarter after that and wet the tub, the soap AND a wash cloth…until I actually learned to like taking a bath.

So, yes, the epiphany. I know you’re dying to hear this one: you get what you expect. Duh, you say. Well, let me tell you that many people, especially me, learn to turn off the expectation button. Haven’t you ever had an expectation of someone, and then when they let you down, learned NOT to have expectations of that person. Can’t get hurt if you have no expectations. Can’t get let down if you have no expectations. Well, I’m sorry, but FUCK that!

If you have no expectations, you know what you get? SHIT! You get more hurt with no expectations. You have nothing to reach for, nothing to attain, nowhere to go! If we let people off the hook, we get a hell of a lot less than disappointed or let down. We get numb, and we get people in our lives who are substandard to what we need and desire. Sorry, but my needs are important. My desires are important.

From here on out, I EXPECT a great job in which I make great money! I EXPECT great friendships in which people treat me well and with respect. I EXPECT a GREAT life. I deserve it!

Don’t you?
Namaste.

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