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Posts Tagged ‘Mind’

I’ve recently vowed to keep a diary of my experiences in healing, mediation and Qi Gong. So, I’ll catch up and then continue as inspired.

Last week, while I meditated, energy from the earth came into my body from my feet. Just below the ball of my big toe, it felt very hot. At the same time, energy from the sky came into my body from my head. I had a great sense that the earth energy was Yin and the sky energy was Yang. I was curious as to what would happen when the two energies met in my body. I calmly observed. As they met in the lower abdomen area, they twined around each other like a DNA helix and moved up my spine in this manner.

Yesterday, I woke up depressed…for no apparent reason. When I learned that Sri Daya Mata passed, I understood clearly that I felt her passing energetically. Oddy enough, I loved her but was not so attracted to her. I sobbed the entire day for her passing. I felt forcefully urged to meditate. As I did, I felt incredible peace and silence, emptiness and fullness at the same time. I, then, felt a hand press on my shoulder and stay there during the rest of the meditation. Om. Jai Guru. Jai Ma.

Today, during my standing meditation, I felt compelled to practice my Qi Gong. As I exhaled the breath and move energy from the Dan Tien area into the reproductive organs, unconciously my pelvis tilted under and as the energy moved down and through the perineum to the coccyx and up, my pelvis tilted back. As the energy moved up the spine, the rib cage expanded and as it retreated down the spin through the front of the body, the ribcage contracted. This movement continued through breath and circulation of the energy. It seemed sexual to me as it almost mimicked the pelvic movement in sex. I don’t think this coincidental. I think that sexual union is spiritual in nature, creating union spiritually and physically when conception occurs. When having sex, then, it would make sense to open the chakras and mind to God.

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161 days to drastically change your life. That’s how long it took. Okay, I don’t have the castle in Scotland yet or the dog named Chummy, but signing a 6 month graphic design and video production contract with a company poised to be a major world-wide corporate entity is a major step in the right direction. Yah, that’s what we did tonight. It’s been hard work, some fourteen hour days, but it’s worth it.

And last Sept 20, when I started this Triple Goddess Experiment, I had quit my major source of income, a job I drastically hated, and worked part-time caring for my friend’s daughter. I took slack and judgment from friends and non-friends for the bold move I made, but I just knew I needed to make room for my dreams to come into my life. Then, things got tough with that part-time job, and finances got even tougher. I was at times depressed and miserable, but I kept up the experiment. I meditated every day, practiced my yoga, and completed assignment after assignment from my coach, Cheryl Squiers of Become a Lotus. It has been the toughest thing I’ve ever done.

And I’m still doing it. Because this isn’t a fad or an experiment anymore, it’s a way of life. Although, there are days when I don’t get a chance to post a blog and days when I still struggle, I have drastically changed my thought patterns. Having success, of course, will help continue to snowball these positive thoughts into more positive thoughts.

I can see my dreams and a more concrete plan for achieving them more clearly. This website will have the kind of exposure designers can only dream of. It will open many doors for us. Our video production work will be up front and center on this homepage. The potential is huge, and this will help me really follow this direction in my career. Yeah, I still want to write and direct and make stories. I’ve taken the first giant step on this ladder towards that goal.

So, I’m keepin’ on keepin’ on. This blog’s for you Holly.

Namaste.

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I felt like Samantha from Bewitched. Last night, after I grumbled in my blog about needing to find the impetus for this blog experiment, I sat down and meditated. I cracked my knuckles, rolled my shoulders back, cracked my neck to the left, then to the right. I sniffled. Empty your mind. Concentrate, concentrate. I focused on my third eye.

Yogananda, I’m back. I’m done punishing you for sending me a boy with an elephant head to save me from evil spirits instead of coming yourself. It really pissed me off that you sent someone else to do the dirty work, but I’ll meditate again, and aren’t you sorry I stopped meditating for a few days? I mean that must’ve really pissed you off, right? Concentrate. Breathe. The breath. So, Yogananda, could you protect me in this meditation please? I really could use a bouncer here. I’ve been dreaming about evil spirits and shit all week.

Okay. Stop thinking Kimmy. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off.

Click.

What the fuck was that? I peeked an eye open. Did my computer shut off. Nope. What was that? I looked to my cable/DVR box. It was shut off. Hey, I didn’t do that. I just shut the TV off with the remote like always, but not the cable box.

“Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!”

Oh my fucking GOD! Did I do that?! What the hell. I meant my brain, not the God damned cable box! I threw my head back and shrieked in laughter.

Then, I looked at it the cable box real hard. I whispered, “Turn on. Turn on. Turn on.”

Nothing.

I blinked my eyes.

Nothing.

I took my finger and wiggled my nose. Turn on.

Nothing.

Turn the fuck back on you piece of shit!

Nothing.

Son of a bitch. I closed my eyes again. Yogananda! I mentally stamped my foot. Make it turn back on! I felt like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Nothing.

Then it hit me right across my magical forehead. Nothing.

Nothing is what I want when I meditate. I’m always looking for that next gimmick to prove to myself that I’m so advanced and oh so spiritual. But meditation isn’t about tricks and magic, it’s about emptying the cup. It isn’t about the click of self-realization, but is about allowing yourself to be empty enough so that realization doesn’t happen, but is. Aristotle believed that every thing and one is in the process of becoming, and while I can understand this concept, it takes the future into consideration. It is waiting for something better. It’s waiting for the Cable Box to turn back on, when it doesn’t really matter.

What matters is the moment. The only one you have. And the peace and beauty in its nothingness.

Namaste.

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7 months into my Triple Goddess Experiment, and I come back to something that my coach told me when I started-“If you are experiencing a lack of money, it is because you are blocking it.” I recognize the truth in this as I recognize that this pertains to all things, not just money.

I felt tired this morning, exhausted even, and when I took a moment to meditate, it became apparent to me that I’d been blocking my connection to God. For example, imagine our connection to God is a highway. My highway to God has been a one way road, and I’ve been buying my thoughts and desires a one-way ticket down that road sending them to God. Putting the little mind in the big mind and all that. One road out of my mind with no way into it. Energy from God cannot enter into me if there is no road for it to travel. Nothing can; so, if I don’t either build another highway or turn the one that’s there into a two-way street, then I stay depleted. I need to receive and let the big mind enter into the little mind. I must work on a connection to God that goes both ways. I’ve always been a better giver than receiver, but to truly experience God, I must bring her and all she offers into my life. I must learn to receive ALL that she has to offer.

So, I’ll be working on some visualizations of a beautiful path made of light and crystal that leads from God to me. I will see God’s greatest gifts passing along this path and entering into my Auric field, energy, and mind. I will see them filling me up, and I will express gratitude for them. So it is.

Namaste.

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I took a yoga class yesterday, and woke up with a very sore neck today. Last week a took a class at the gym as well, and my body hurt for a few days after. When I took my classes on the internet or just by myself, I never injured myself. Maybe I felt a little sore, but never like I had extended beyond what was good for me. So, these group classes are very challenging, and I’m thinking that I need to pay ultra attention to how my body is feeling while I’m in each pose. I have modified some poses, but apparently I’m taking it too far.

I wonder why these classes are so strenuous. Although I know yoga can be difficult, I am feeling like there is too much emphasis on “gotta get a workout in” mentality in Los Angeles, especially at this gym. I would really like to find classes that focus on meditation, strengthen and lengthen without the GRRRR factor. Doesn’t the Grrrr sorta put me more into my bullshit, rather than keeping the focus inward and towards God? I really want to focus on the outward expression of my inward journey. Well now that I know where I want to go with it, it should be easier finding a road to get me there.

Namaste.

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Since when have the words “God” and “religion” carried such a bad connotation? There are many apparent contributors to these negative connotations that exist within certain sectors of American society and culture. All the evil acts, killing and wars, that have been committed in the name of “God” or a certain religion throughout history has certainly led to distaste in regards to either. Though many in the world, would regard Americans as having no moral compass, the rejection of God and religion in this context only, might prove otherwise. We don’t want to be a part of something that could possibly indicate such a lack of morality. (I only wish our attachment to God and religion was as strong as our attachment to democracy and money, two ideals that we, as a society, have no trouble killing over.)

I also think religions that make it an edict to convert others to their belief system have actually affected an antagonism towards their cause and imbued a negativity towards God and religion, in general. People in America ultimately respect the idea of free will and feel that if someone comes to their doorsteps, preaches to them, or even hands them religious literature that their free will has been compromised. Our attitude is that if we are interested in God or religion, then we will search it out. (Don’t call me, I’ll call you.)

Similarly, many whose own parents and families have preached religion often turn away from a life ruled by dogmatic law and thus, religion and God. It seems that when something is forced upon us, we react to it. Though our reaction could be one of many, most of us will succumb to one of two immediate reactions: we will embrace what is being forced upon us or we will reject it. For many who have lived in a religiously strict house hold, their association with religion or God is often painful and restrictive.

In relation, the absolute power that many religions have exerted over people throughout history has created an aversion to God and religion. Our country was, in part (we all know this region was inhabited by non-Europeans for perhaps thousands of years before Europeans ever crossed the Atlantic), founded by Europeans who came to worship free of the religious power that was in existence. Though our country has a strong history of its own religious dominance, its power has for the most part been kept separate from government. We may have social, familial and cultural pressures to believe in God and follow a certain religion, we do have the freedom to worship or not. Our government supports our right to think, worship and practice religion in whatever way we do or do not wish to. Still, in school, we were taught that the control and power that were displayed by church was wrong.

It seems that much of European and American history has been a reaction to the control of religion, from the Dark Ages to the Renaissance to the Reformation and to religious wars mentioned earlier. We moved from a society who based its thoughts and beliefs on philosophy and religion to a society whose thoughts are put through the scientific method. Though industry and science can’t be blamed specifically for the repugnance of God and religion, the very nature of science has no room for it. So, as a society, many of us have no room for them.

Interestingly, however, we find ourselves living in a society in which many have embraced a notion of “spirituality” over religion. We feel more comfortable talking about a “higher power”, but not “God”. Yet if we really ask one another what spirituality means, we find that it is indeed pluralistic. For some it merely recognizes a dualistic nature of humans, but holds no accountability for action. For others, it recognizes energy that runs through all living things. For some, it is merely a catch-all word they use to acknowledge the “something” that they sense exists. For each person that defines it, we could indeed find a different definition. This is of course reflects the free choices of a people who live in a free society.

But are we really free to think, feel and be whatever and whomever we choose? It would seem so, after all hasn’t our form of government ensured this. We have participated in wars and killed innocent people to insure our freedom of thought. On all accounts, it seems that in America, we are a free people.
However, I’m not so sure that we are free, at least not spiritually. Although, some of us reject traditional religion and feels that frees us of the shackles of dogma, I believe we are as bound by our culture and science as we ever were by the institutions of religion.

Further, however, it is my belief that we are ultimately shackled by all things experience outside of the realm of our inner attention. True freedom exists only within the real world, the world that is clear and apparent through meditation. Direct experience of, dare I say, God.

God and religion have become dirty words for many of us in America, but I cannot turn my back on them. The word “God” originally meant “good” or “invoked one” (1) and the word “religion” archaically meant “strict faithfulness; devotion” (2). Personally, I love the idea of being strictly devoted to good, and further the idea that God can be invoked suggests that “He” is not unattainable- that “He” is knowable. We have, as a people, attached much of our baggage to these words, and I am suggesting that we, including those of us involved in New Age “religions” reclaim them with the understanding that they are not meant to bind us, but to free us. Devotion and strict faithfulness are qualitites that are necessary in knowing “Good”, which is indeed an outward menifestation of meditation and God.

Namaste (which I say to acknowledge the divine, invoked Good that is you)

(1) For an interesting article on the origin of the word “God” as referred to in my writing, please read this article:
http://www.bibleanswerstand.org/God.htm

(2) Information from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

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My latest assignment from Cheryl Squiers from Become a Lotus is as follows:

But one of the thing that I want you to do is to spend one hour a day, everyday from now on, pretending that you’re rich. Remember when you were little and you use to play the Wizard of Oz and all the other pretend games you played – it was easy, it was FUN. Well this is going to be fun. You’re going to talk rich, think rich, walk around and pretend you’re rich. You’re going to go to rich stores, rich neighborhoods. When you stay in the mansion, you’re going to pretend that it is yours! You’re going to talk about your money and what you’re going to invest in. You are going to be rich, then you will be able to see what it feels like and when you do, you shall move the heavens and earth and will create yourself as a wealthy wealthy person.
So everyday, from now on, for one hour you will be rich, period.

So, today my brother took me out for a wonderful Christmas dinner at a very nice restaurant. I took the opportunity and dressed up-wore my Burberry trench coat (it retails for $1200). I feel rich in that coat, that’s for sure, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to practice feeling rich. I ordered exactly what I wanted on the menu and didn’t worry about the price (thanks again Rob). Feeling rich makes me feel powerful, like I can do anything. It also makes me feel like I have more options in my life. So, tomorrow, I’ll practice some more.

Happy Holidays-Namaste.

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