Posts Tagged ‘yogananda’

I’ve recently vowed to keep a diary of my experiences in healing, mediation and Qi Gong. So, I’ll catch up and then continue as inspired.

Last week, while I meditated, energy from the earth came into my body from my feet. Just below the ball of my big toe, it felt very hot. At the same time, energy from the sky came into my body from my head. I had a great sense that the earth energy was Yin and the sky energy was Yang. I was curious as to what would happen when the two energies met in my body. I calmly observed. As they met in the lower abdomen area, they twined around each other like a DNA helix and moved up my spine in this manner.

Yesterday, I woke up depressed…for no apparent reason. When I learned that Sri Daya Mata passed, I understood clearly that I felt her passing energetically. Oddy enough, I loved her but was not so attracted to her. I sobbed the entire day for her passing. I felt forcefully urged to meditate. As I did, I felt incredible peace and silence, emptiness and fullness at the same time. I, then, felt a hand press on my shoulder and stay there during the rest of the meditation. Om. Jai Guru. Jai Ma.

Today, during my standing meditation, I felt compelled to practice my Qi Gong. As I exhaled the breath and move energy from the Dan Tien area into the reproductive organs, unconciously my pelvis tilted under and as the energy moved down and through the perineum to the coccyx and up, my pelvis tilted back. As the energy moved up the spine, the rib cage expanded and as it retreated down the spin through the front of the body, the ribcage contracted. This movement continued through breath and circulation of the energy. It seemed sexual to me as it almost mimicked the pelvic movement in sex. I don’t think this coincidental. I think that sexual union is spiritual in nature, creating union spiritually and physically when conception occurs. When having sex, then, it would make sense to open the chakras and mind to God.


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I felt like Samantha from Bewitched. Last night, after I grumbled in my blog about needing to find the impetus for this blog experiment, I sat down and meditated. I cracked my knuckles, rolled my shoulders back, cracked my neck to the left, then to the right. I sniffled. Empty your mind. Concentrate, concentrate. I focused on my third eye.

Yogananda, I’m back. I’m done punishing you for sending me a boy with an elephant head to save me from evil spirits instead of coming yourself. It really pissed me off that you sent someone else to do the dirty work, but I’ll meditate again, and aren’t you sorry I stopped meditating for a few days? I mean that must’ve really pissed you off, right? Concentrate. Breathe. The breath. So, Yogananda, could you protect me in this meditation please? I really could use a bouncer here. I’ve been dreaming about evil spirits and shit all week.

Okay. Stop thinking Kimmy. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off.


What the fuck was that? I peeked an eye open. Did my computer shut off. Nope. What was that? I looked to my cable/DVR box. It was shut off. Hey, I didn’t do that. I just shut the TV off with the remote like always, but not the cable box.

“Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!”

Oh my fucking GOD! Did I do that?! What the hell. I meant my brain, not the God damned cable box! I threw my head back and shrieked in laughter.

Then, I looked at it the cable box real hard. I whispered, “Turn on. Turn on. Turn on.”


I blinked my eyes.


I took my finger and wiggled my nose. Turn on.


Turn the fuck back on you piece of shit!


Son of a bitch. I closed my eyes again. Yogananda! I mentally stamped my foot. Make it turn back on! I felt like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.


Then it hit me right across my magical forehead. Nothing.

Nothing is what I want when I meditate. I’m always looking for that next gimmick to prove to myself that I’m so advanced and oh so spiritual. But meditation isn’t about tricks and magic, it’s about emptying the cup. It isn’t about the click of self-realization, but is about allowing yourself to be empty enough so that realization doesn’t happen, but is. Aristotle believed that every thing and one is in the process of becoming, and while I can understand this concept, it takes the future into consideration. It is waiting for something better. It’s waiting for the Cable Box to turn back on, when it doesn’t really matter.

What matters is the moment. The only one you have. And the peace and beauty in its nothingness.


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Evil spirits kept after me in my dreams last night. They attacked; I could feel the energy and pressure of their astral bodies against me. I was terrified, and struggled against them, but they were invisible and powerful. I fought.

Bryan woke me up because I was struggling in the bed against them, moaning out loud. I was afraid to go back to sleep. I imagined Yogananda with me and grabbed my necklace my brother had made for me for Christmas- a picture of Yogananda encased in gold- from the night stand.

I fell back asleep and the onslaught continued. I fought and cried and begged for help from my guru. I couldn’t find him in my dream. I battled, and I felt the evil, invisible pressure. Finally, in my dream, a wooden sculpture of Lord Ganesh appeared in my hands, and I quickly hung it on the wall. When I did, the evil spirits immediately left my dream.

I am grateful for Lord Ganesh protecting me. Ganesh used to scare me; I felt revulsion towards him, but he kept appearing in my life. People would buy me statues of him-my brother would tease me and hang a sculpture of him on his wall when he knew I was coming over. Finally, I read his story and loved him, but I have not thought of him in many years. There is a connection between Lord Ganesh and me; I’m sure now.

But where was my guru, Yogananda? Did he send Ganesh to me, or did Ganesh come on his own? I’m confused and feel abandoned. Please, if anyone can help me understand why Ganesh came instead of Yogananda, I’d appreciate your ideas about this.


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Pulsing energy.  I am a pulsing wave of energy, undulating and flowing , warm and constant.  In my meditation last night, I could feel my energy pulsing throughout my entire body.  I’ve felt it before in my hands, I’ve been a Reiki practitioner for years.  This was different, and more expansive.  I sat with it and enjoyed the feeling of knowing that I am more than flesh.  My mind has always known it, but to feel it is completely different.  Comforting, even.

I could see Yogananda and then, I could see when he collapsed and entered Mahasamadhi and  he said, “You know what this was like for me.”  I didn’t understand, and I said…Why?  You know when I collapsed what this was like, you felt it.”  So, I tried to understand why, but he wouldn’t tell  me.  I didn’t get how I could know what that was like for him.  He was insistent on not telling me.  But that I would figure it out and learn how I knew. Know how that felt for him.

Well, I still don’t get it, but I hope over time, this will be revealed to me.  Any ideas or is this for me to figure out?


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