Posts Tagged ‘spirit’

I’ve recently vowed to keep a diary of my experiences in healing, mediation and Qi Gong. So, I’ll catch up and then continue as inspired.

Last week, while I meditated, energy from the earth came into my body from my feet. Just below the ball of my big toe, it felt very hot. At the same time, energy from the sky came into my body from my head. I had a great sense that the earth energy was Yin and the sky energy was Yang. I was curious as to what would happen when the two energies met in my body. I calmly observed. As they met in the lower abdomen area, they twined around each other like a DNA helix and moved up my spine in this manner.

Yesterday, I woke up depressed…for no apparent reason. When I learned that Sri Daya Mata passed, I understood clearly that I felt her passing energetically. Oddy enough, I loved her but was not so attracted to her. I sobbed the entire day for her passing. I felt forcefully urged to meditate. As I did, I felt incredible peace and silence, emptiness and fullness at the same time. I, then, felt a hand press on my shoulder and stay there during the rest of the meditation. Om. Jai Guru. Jai Ma.

Today, during my standing meditation, I felt compelled to practice my Qi Gong. As I exhaled the breath and move energy from the Dan Tien area into the reproductive organs, unconciously my pelvis tilted under and as the energy moved down and through the perineum to the coccyx and up, my pelvis tilted back. As the energy moved up the spine, the rib cage expanded and as it retreated down the spin through the front of the body, the ribcage contracted. This movement continued through breath and circulation of the energy. It seemed sexual to me as it almost mimicked the pelvic movement in sex. I don’t think this coincidental. I think that sexual union is spiritual in nature, creating union spiritually and physically when conception occurs. When having sex, then, it would make sense to open the chakras and mind to God.


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7 months into my Triple Goddess Experiment, and I come back to something that my coach told me when I started-“If you are experiencing a lack of money, it is because you are blocking it.” I recognize the truth in this as I recognize that this pertains to all things, not just money.

I felt tired this morning, exhausted even, and when I took a moment to meditate, it became apparent to me that I’d been blocking my connection to God. For example, imagine our connection to God is a highway. My highway to God has been a one way road, and I’ve been buying my thoughts and desires a one-way ticket down that road sending them to God. Putting the little mind in the big mind and all that. One road out of my mind with no way into it. Energy from God cannot enter into me if there is no road for it to travel. Nothing can; so, if I don’t either build another highway or turn the one that’s there into a two-way street, then I stay depleted. I need to receive and let the big mind enter into the little mind. I must work on a connection to God that goes both ways. I’ve always been a better giver than receiver, but to truly experience God, I must bring her and all she offers into my life. I must learn to receive ALL that she has to offer.

So, I’ll be working on some visualizations of a beautiful path made of light and crystal that leads from God to me. I will see God’s greatest gifts passing along this path and entering into my Auric field, energy, and mind. I will see them filling me up, and I will express gratitude for them. So it is.


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I need to address a Facebook post by a high school friend of mine:

“Shame on you America: the only country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds, and mentally ill without treatment – yet we have a benefit for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations. 99% of people won’t have the guts to copy and repost this.-Don’t g……et at me I just copied…no go ahead “get at me” cuz I have a few words about it!”

I replied, “Why can’t we help both? I do. We’re all a part of the same race- the human race.”

I don’t understand this thinking and I don’t wish to. Someone’s compassion bone got broke and never healed. Yes. People here in America need help too, but is that really a reason why we shouldn’t help others? Take care of our own and fuck the rest?! When Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana, Mississippi and the rest, Americans responded, helped and took care of their own. Other countries came to our aid as well.

There are churches, soup kitchens, welfare and many, many organizations that help people in need in this country. It’s not a perfect system, but America is trying to care of her own. Does that mean we can’t help others? Are American’s really more deserving than the rest of the world?

Spirit lives in all of us no matter our race, gender, sexual orientation or nationality. We need to reach across borders and help all of those in need AND help our brothers and sisters here at home. Patriotism that turns its cheek on any one in need divides spirit. I don’t have room for it.

I wonder if she actually ever helped her fellow American. If you’re not a part of the solution…shut the F up.

Can I say Namaste after that?


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Since when have the words “God” and “religion” carried such a bad connotation? There are many apparent contributors to these negative connotations that exist within certain sectors of American society and culture. All the evil acts, killing and wars, that have been committed in the name of “God” or a certain religion throughout history has certainly led to distaste in regards to either. Though many in the world, would regard Americans as having no moral compass, the rejection of God and religion in this context only, might prove otherwise. We don’t want to be a part of something that could possibly indicate such a lack of morality. (I only wish our attachment to God and religion was as strong as our attachment to democracy and money, two ideals that we, as a society, have no trouble killing over.)

I also think religions that make it an edict to convert others to their belief system have actually affected an antagonism towards their cause and imbued a negativity towards God and religion, in general. People in America ultimately respect the idea of free will and feel that if someone comes to their doorsteps, preaches to them, or even hands them religious literature that their free will has been compromised. Our attitude is that if we are interested in God or religion, then we will search it out. (Don’t call me, I’ll call you.)

Similarly, many whose own parents and families have preached religion often turn away from a life ruled by dogmatic law and thus, religion and God. It seems that when something is forced upon us, we react to it. Though our reaction could be one of many, most of us will succumb to one of two immediate reactions: we will embrace what is being forced upon us or we will reject it. For many who have lived in a religiously strict house hold, their association with religion or God is often painful and restrictive.

In relation, the absolute power that many religions have exerted over people throughout history has created an aversion to God and religion. Our country was, in part (we all know this region was inhabited by non-Europeans for perhaps thousands of years before Europeans ever crossed the Atlantic), founded by Europeans who came to worship free of the religious power that was in existence. Though our country has a strong history of its own religious dominance, its power has for the most part been kept separate from government. We may have social, familial and cultural pressures to believe in God and follow a certain religion, we do have the freedom to worship or not. Our government supports our right to think, worship and practice religion in whatever way we do or do not wish to. Still, in school, we were taught that the control and power that were displayed by church was wrong.

It seems that much of European and American history has been a reaction to the control of religion, from the Dark Ages to the Renaissance to the Reformation and to religious wars mentioned earlier. We moved from a society who based its thoughts and beliefs on philosophy and religion to a society whose thoughts are put through the scientific method. Though industry and science can’t be blamed specifically for the repugnance of God and religion, the very nature of science has no room for it. So, as a society, many of us have no room for them.

Interestingly, however, we find ourselves living in a society in which many have embraced a notion of “spirituality” over religion. We feel more comfortable talking about a “higher power”, but not “God”. Yet if we really ask one another what spirituality means, we find that it is indeed pluralistic. For some it merely recognizes a dualistic nature of humans, but holds no accountability for action. For others, it recognizes energy that runs through all living things. For some, it is merely a catch-all word they use to acknowledge the “something” that they sense exists. For each person that defines it, we could indeed find a different definition. This is of course reflects the free choices of a people who live in a free society.

But are we really free to think, feel and be whatever and whomever we choose? It would seem so, after all hasn’t our form of government ensured this. We have participated in wars and killed innocent people to insure our freedom of thought. On all accounts, it seems that in America, we are a free people.
However, I’m not so sure that we are free, at least not spiritually. Although, some of us reject traditional religion and feels that frees us of the shackles of dogma, I believe we are as bound by our culture and science as we ever were by the institutions of religion.

Further, however, it is my belief that we are ultimately shackled by all things experience outside of the realm of our inner attention. True freedom exists only within the real world, the world that is clear and apparent through meditation. Direct experience of, dare I say, God.

God and religion have become dirty words for many of us in America, but I cannot turn my back on them. The word “God” originally meant “good” or “invoked one” (1) and the word “religion” archaically meant “strict faithfulness; devotion” (2). Personally, I love the idea of being strictly devoted to good, and further the idea that God can be invoked suggests that “He” is not unattainable- that “He” is knowable. We have, as a people, attached much of our baggage to these words, and I am suggesting that we, including those of us involved in New Age “religions” reclaim them with the understanding that they are not meant to bind us, but to free us. Devotion and strict faithfulness are qualitites that are necessary in knowing “Good”, which is indeed an outward menifestation of meditation and God.

Namaste (which I say to acknowledge the divine, invoked Good that is you)

(1) For an interesting article on the origin of the word “God” as referred to in my writing, please read this article:

(2) Information from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

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I’ve been a million times less stressed and feeling quite happy, not so depressed, since I feel like I know what I want in my life (see my Triple Goddess Experiment blog from two days ago). My self-confidence is stemming from my connection to the infinite source of all. My self-esteem is lifting because I am looking inward. I am telling God that he’s just gonna have to take care of me, because I have things I want to do in my life. Things that are important that I know stem from divine will. How do I know this? Because I feel it, and because I feel immensely passionate about creating stories that inspire and help move people. Because I am thrilled at the prospect of helping people through my words.

Since I’ve been busy with post-Christmas celebrations, my yoga suffered last night and was whittled down to about 15 minutes. I felt a bit guilty about that, but spending time with my brother and niece for “our” Christmas was worth it. We had so much fun, and I am blessed with an amazing family, and that includes Bryan.

I’ve been grasping any opportunity I can to meditate, and it is so beneficial. When I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, I feel like I am connecting with the real world. Connecting to that reality is helping me tremendously in this one.


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Tips on meditation for beginners:

My only rule is to ask for protection from my Guru.  If you are Christian, ask Christ. If you are Jewish, ask God, etc. From there, my meditation will be different depending on my needs for that day or moment, even.  A few helpful bits of advice:

1. Follow your breath.  Though there are different techniques for different types of breathing , I most often just breath through the diaphragm making sure that on an inhalation my belly is pushed out and  on exhalation, it relaxes in.  Some times I breathe through the nose and exhale through the back of the throat.  However, I would say if you are new to meditation, don’t stress about a certain technique.  Most important is to focus the mind on the breath and not on everything else that is going on in your world.  Always return to the breath when the mind drifts and engages.

2. Don’t focus on the breath at all, rather focus on a particular “thing”, like God, love, joy. If you find your mind wandering, don’t worry! That’s normal. Just bring your focus back to what you are intending to meditate on!

3. Stop judging yourself on how well you meditate. Who cares, really! Your are doing it and THAT is what matters. 5 minutes a day. Fine. 10 great. 20 good. An hour- nice! Whatever You want. There is no right or wrong.

4. I would suggest sitting and not laying down. More often than not, you’ll fall asleep if you lay down. I do…every time.

Really that’s it. I let the rest happen and don’t worry about it too much. There are chants, mantras, techniques from yogis and masters, but you don’t need to worry about that. Just start. No excuses.

If you meditate, why don’t you add a tip to this list? Keep it simple, remember it’s for the beginner!

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Have you ever  felt like a slug? I don’t mean squishy; I mean lazy, unable to really move and go through your day with energy and, even, effectiveness?  It seems that whatever I try to do today, I just want to lay back in bed and do nothing.  It’s been a day of lethargy as I try to catch up on rest from visiting with company and the holiday.  The strange thing, though, is I don’t feel rested in the slightest bit. I am, however, going through the motions, or lack of them anyway.  I’m trying to release my expectations of instant gratification, because, frankly, I’ve been resting most the day and I am still exhausted.  I’m hoping this is like meditation- I may not feel it working, but  it is regardless of whether I’m conscious of it or not.  All in all, I’m letting myself rest and taking care of myself as needed. 

Overall,  I think I have lived in the present today, not putting too much focus on tomorrow or the days after and honestly, not really even thinking about the past. I’ve been content , maybe more like a bug in my rug.  My phone battery ran out this morning and my charger is at my brother’s house, a half and hour away.  Though I feel a bit isolated, I also feel a little happy to not have to pay attention to a text or phone call.  It’s been all about what I want or need at any given moment, and that feels good.

So, today I am simply grateful for living in the moment.  I am content and happy as I am.  It’s okay to be tired and need rest.  It was a hell of a great week, and this is way better than getting sick because I don’t pay attention to what I need.  Being in touch with what I need and want is becoming increasingly easier as I continue to work this Triple Goddess Experiment.  As I learn to let go of thoughts that are extraneous, the more I am able to listen to myself and give myself what I need.  So, on that note, I really need to get my yoga and meditation done for today. Namaste.

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