Sexual union is spiritual in nature

I’ve recently vowed to keep a diary of my experiences in healing, mediation and Qi Gong. So, I’ll catch up and then continue as inspired.

Last week, while I meditated, energy from the earth came into my body from my feet. Just below the ball of my big toe, it felt very hot. At the same time, energy from the sky came into my body from my head. I had a great sense that the earth energy was Yin and the sky energy was Yang. I was curious as to what would happen when the two energies met in my body. I calmly observed. As they met in the lower abdomen area, they twined around each other like a DNA helix and moved up my spine in this manner.

Yesterday, I woke up depressed…for no apparent reason. When I learned that Sri Daya Mata passed, I understood clearly that I felt her passing energetically. Oddy enough, I loved her but was not so attracted to her. I sobbed the entire day for her passing. I felt forcefully urged to meditate. As I did, I felt incredible peace and silence, emptiness and fullness at the same time. I, then, felt a hand press on my shoulder and stay there during the rest of the meditation. Om. Jai Guru. Jai Ma.

Today, during my standing meditation, I felt compelled to practice my Qi Gong. As I exhaled the breath and move energy from the Dan Tien area into the reproductive organs, unconciously my pelvis tilted under and as the energy moved down and through the perineum to the coccyx and up, my pelvis tilted back. As the energy moved up the spine, the rib cage expanded and as it retreated down the spin through the front of the body, the ribcage contracted. This movement continued through breath and circulation of the energy. It seemed sexual to me as it almost mimicked the pelvic movement in sex. I don’t think this coincidental. I think that sexual union is spiritual in nature, creating union spiritually and physically when conception occurs. When having sex, then, it would make sense to open the chakras and mind to God.

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Visualize a beautiful path made of light and crystal that leads from God to you.

7 months into my Triple Goddess Experiment, and I come back to something that my coach told me when I started-“If you are experiencing a lack of money, it is because you are blocking it.” I recognize the truth in this as I recognize that this pertains to all things, not just money.

I felt tired this morning, exhausted even, and when I took a moment to meditate, it became apparent to me that I’d been blocking my connection to God. For example, imagine our connection to God is a highway. My highway to God has been a one way road, and I’ve been buying my thoughts and desires a one-way ticket down that road sending them to God. Putting the little mind in the big mind and all that. One road out of my mind with no way into it. Energy from God cannot enter into me if there is no road for it to travel. Nothing can; so, if I don’t either build another highway or turn the one that’s there into a two-way street, then I stay depleted. I need to receive and let the big mind enter into the little mind. I must work on a connection to God that goes both ways. I’ve always been a better giver than receiver, but to truly experience God, I must bring her and all she offers into my life. I must learn to receive ALL that she has to offer.

So, I’ll be working on some visualizations of a beautiful path made of light and crystal that leads from God to me. I will see God’s greatest gifts passing along this path and entering into my Auric field, energy, and mind. I will see them filling me up, and I will express gratitude for them. So it is.

Namaste.

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Ask God.

It’s been three days. No blog. No meditation. No yoga. It’s the reverse trinity. The 666 of the Triple Goddess Experiment. And it feels like shit.

Because living everyday with meditation, yoga and creating the life I want in my thoughts makes me feel connected to all aspects to myself. The truth is that I’ve been extremely busy-I didn’t have a day off work of some sort in almost two weeks. I’ve been massaging, taking care of the baby…which is now over, and most excitingly been working on a potential account for Talbotgraphix. We are trying to lock down a client to a contract with a six month retainer that would bring in an extra $500 a month for both Bryan and I. So, it’s been a big deal…and it’s not done yet. We meet with the hotshot on Friday and pitch video ideas. We feel like Samantha and Darren off to meet with Mr. Tate. It could potentially propel us into better and bigger accounts-I gotta take that ticket.

Yet, of course, there’s a lack of balance in this way of living, but I knew it was going to be like this for a few weeks while jobs overlapped. And, frankly, it felt good to work again instead of always looking for work. Yes. My self-esteem is somewhat tied into my job and ability to care for myself. Well, it’s all a process isn’t it?

So, now I sink back into balance. I’ve been resting all day, and even slept for two and a half hours. I will do my yoga after dinner and meditate before bed. It’ll feel good. I already know it. This really is my life now-the triple goddess way of life. You know how I know? Because it just feels wrong to do anything else.

And I just read a passage from my guru. He says to place trust in God. So, I will do that tonight. I will meditate and when I feel communion with her, I will ask. I will ask. And I will find all of myself again.

Namaste.

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Why do we have an aversion to the words “God” and “religion”.

Since when have the words “God” and “religion” carried such a bad connotation? There are many apparent contributors to these negative connotations that exist within certain sectors of American society and culture. All the evil acts, killing and wars, that have been committed in the name of “God” or a certain religion throughout history has certainly led to distaste in regards to either. Though many in the world, would regard Americans as having no moral compass, the rejection of God and religion in this context only, might prove otherwise. We don’t want to be a part of something that could possibly indicate such a lack of morality. (I only wish our attachment to God and religion was as strong as our attachment to democracy and money, two ideals that we, as a society, have no trouble killing over.)

I also think religions that make it an edict to convert others to their belief system have actually affected an antagonism towards their cause and imbued a negativity towards God and religion, in general. People in America ultimately respect the idea of free will and feel that if someone comes to their doorsteps, preaches to them, or even hands them religious literature that their free will has been compromised. Our attitude is that if we are interested in God or religion, then we will search it out. (Don’t call me, I’ll call you.)

Similarly, many whose own parents and families have preached religion often turn away from a life ruled by dogmatic law and thus, religion and God. It seems that when something is forced upon us, we react to it. Though our reaction could be one of many, most of us will succumb to one of two immediate reactions: we will embrace what is being forced upon us or we will reject it. For many who have lived in a religiously strict house hold, their association with religion or God is often painful and restrictive.

In relation, the absolute power that many religions have exerted over people throughout history has created an aversion to God and religion. Our country was, in part (we all know this region was inhabited by non-Europeans for perhaps thousands of years before Europeans ever crossed the Atlantic), founded by Europeans who came to worship free of the religious power that was in existence. Though our country has a strong history of its own religious dominance, its power has for the most part been kept separate from government. We may have social, familial and cultural pressures to believe in God and follow a certain religion, we do have the freedom to worship or not. Our government supports our right to think, worship and practice religion in whatever way we do or do not wish to. Still, in school, we were taught that the control and power that were displayed by church was wrong.

It seems that much of European and American history has been a reaction to the control of religion, from the Dark Ages to the Renaissance to the Reformation and to religious wars mentioned earlier. We moved from a society who based its thoughts and beliefs on philosophy and religion to a society whose thoughts are put through the scientific method. Though industry and science can’t be blamed specifically for the repugnance of God and religion, the very nature of science has no room for it. So, as a society, many of us have no room for them.

Interestingly, however, we find ourselves living in a society in which many have embraced a notion of “spirituality” over religion. We feel more comfortable talking about a “higher power”, but not “God”. Yet if we really ask one another what spirituality means, we find that it is indeed pluralistic. For some it merely recognizes a dualistic nature of humans, but holds no accountability for action. For others, it recognizes energy that runs through all living things. For some, it is merely a catch-all word they use to acknowledge the “something” that they sense exists. For each person that defines it, we could indeed find a different definition. This is of course reflects the free choices of a people who live in a free society.

But are we really free to think, feel and be whatever and whomever we choose? It would seem so, after all hasn’t our form of government ensured this. We have participated in wars and killed innocent people to insure our freedom of thought. On all accounts, it seems that in America, we are a free people.
However, I’m not so sure that we are free, at least not spiritually. Although, some of us reject traditional religion and feels that frees us of the shackles of dogma, I believe we are as bound by our culture and science as we ever were by the institutions of religion.

Further, however, it is my belief that we are ultimately shackled by all things experience outside of the realm of our inner attention. True freedom exists only within the real world, the world that is clear and apparent through meditation. Direct experience of, dare I say, God.

God and religion have become dirty words for many of us in America, but I cannot turn my back on them. The word “God” originally meant “good” or “invoked one” (1) and the word “religion” archaically meant “strict faithfulness; devotion” (2). Personally, I love the idea of being strictly devoted to good, and further the idea that God can be invoked suggests that “He” is not unattainable- that “He” is knowable. We have, as a people, attached much of our baggage to these words, and I am suggesting that we, including those of us involved in New Age “religions” reclaim them with the understanding that they are not meant to bind us, but to free us. Devotion and strict faithfulness are qualitites that are necessary in knowing “Good”, which is indeed an outward menifestation of meditation and God.

Namaste (which I say to acknowledge the divine, invoked Good that is you)

(1) For an interesting article on the origin of the word “God” as referred to in my writing, please read this article:
http://www.bibleanswerstand.org/God.htm

(2) Information from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

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The Triple Goddess Experiment Challenge – Challenge Yourself, Change your Life!

This is my 106th day, out of 365, of my Triple Goddess Experiment, and my life’s direction is taking shape.
I know that I have the gift of healing, and the ability to inspire people to better themselves and their lives. I will be working on combining this talent with my passion for creating and writing stories. As I work on a book which explore the themes of good and evil and their relationship to free-will, I am also working on a comedic animated screenplay that’s underlying theme is unconditional love. The more I keep my focus on my desire to express these messages, the easier it will be for me to finish them!

In addition, I will be working on The Triple Goddess Experiment Challenge, which will inspire and challenge those who wish to sign on to their own Triple Goddess/God Experiment. This will take work, but my vision is to provide the network and support for individuals to be able to change their lives for the better through meditation, yoga and the concsious application of the Law of Attraction in their lives. More to come on this later.

I appreciate all your ideas and suggestions.
Namaste.

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Meditation is like waking up from a nightmare.

Finally, oh finally, I decided to really get back to meditation and not approach it with one eye open, so to speak. My mind has been so full of worry and stress- I just couldn’t stand that state anymore. So, when I sat cross-legged on the bed and closed my eyes, holding my two crystals, I begged for God. For a long time I told God how much I wanted him/her. Then, it came to me to meditate on love, so I thought of everyone I love on this earth and held that in my consciousness. Suddenly it dawned on me to pour that love into my own being. So, I imagined it spiraling itself down into my body around my spine and from there spreading itself into the rest of me. I sat quietly like that for some time. Then, I thought I was going to fall asleep, like I was nodding off, so I resisted going into that state. Finally, I couldn’t resist it anymore, but instead of falling asleep, it was like I woke up. My senses were heightened and everything was more alive. An incredible peace filled my being, warm and so loving, and I thought, “Oh, thank God!…Home.”

Namaste.

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James Cameron’s Avatar is spiritual, brilliant and everything I could never imagine it could be.

`Let’s go see Avatar in 3-D Imax. I’ll treat, popcorn and everything. With a gentle shrug of my shoulders, I think “Sounds like a deal and a chill day.” Ok. So Bryan and I go to the three o’clock showing. Sold out. The next available show time is 7 pm. Want tickets for that. Honey? Don’t honey me, you decide, I tell him. Let’s do it. Ok, cool. He buys the tickets and we’ve got 4 hours to kill.

Thing is folks, I’d kill 8 hours to see it. Days. I’ve been waiting for this movie my whole life. Never have I been so lost in a world. Never have I wanted to desperately stay in a world different from my own. The world that James Cameron creates is a cross between The Wizard of Oz, The Garden of Eden, and honestly, the world from my meditations. It is the world I crave and miss, and where I want to live. A world where everything is connected through a web of energy, and a world where life and spirit are loved and respected.

I sobbed for 5 minutes on Bryan’s chest when it was through. My breath was stolen from my body, and I haven’t retrieved it yet. Never have I been so moved and affected by a film.

Please, please, please, I beg you to go see this movie. All of you. It is spiritual, emotional, and honest.

Namaste.

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Manifesting friends, crystals and energy healing at Goddess CAT

I’ve been saying I want to meet people more like me and that it would help me in this path I am on.  I would be able to relate to them and talk more about my spiritual journey, energy, yoga, the Law of Attraction and so forth.  Today I really connected with a woman who has quite a bit in common with me- her name is Ifeanyi Chijindu and owns a New Age Boutique called Goddess CAT in my neighborhood.  She is creative…writes, paints and acts,  is on a spiritual quest like myself and her husband is a musician.  She has just opened this little boutique and though it’s in its beginning stages, it has a great vibe.

Her store front carries incense, Pagan books, crystals and her own line of all natural cosmetics that she developed herself…and she reads tarot.  I spent probably an hour and a half with her.  She did my make-up, and we chatted away like we’d been friends forever.  I talked to her about graphics work and even holding energy workshops there.  It felt so great to connect with someone who gets what I’m about and the path that I’m on.

While I was there, I bought an obsidian stone and quartz crystal, the obsidian for grounding and the quartz for amplifying energy.  They felt “right” to me and as I was holding them in my left hand I started feeling a buzzing and tingling.  It was incredibly intense…to the point that I nearly became teary eyed, but it also felt a little chaotic. So,  I shifted the quartz to my right hand.  I still felt the buzz, but it felt more balanced.  Suddenly it all made sense.  I keep telling Bryan the right hand is giving the energy and the left hand is grounding it.  The placement of the crystals in each of the corresponding hands seemed to correspond to this intuitive thought that I had .  The quartz will amplify the giving and the obsidian will ground and clear its path.

So, then I placed my right hand over my thigh with the quartz in it and the left hand under it with the obsidian in it.  The energy amplification from the stones was profound and kinda crazy!  They felt right at home in my hands doing this work and I know they are now tools for energy work for me.

I don’t think meeting up with Ifeanyi was a coincidence.  There is movement in my life where there wasn’t before I started all of this and the potentiality in my life is exciting.  I am choosing which parts of God/spirit that I want to experience and express, and it’s happening.

Namaste.

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Remember, if I can change my life, you can change yours.

Today is update day.  How’s the yoga going? The meditation? The Law of Attraction?  Committed, remember, to an hour of yoga a day, daily meditation and working assignments from Cheryl Squiers from Become a Lotus.  What about work, money, my health?

So, this is my 36th entry. 

I’ve been doing yoga constantly and consistently except for the past two days…I did it today.  The vertigo stopped that plan, but instead of getting down on myself for it, I made sure I did a lengthy meditation, paid special attention to my Law of Attraction assignments and spent much time living in the now and feeling the bliss of being ME!!

In general, I’m finding that learning how to do a certain series of movements, like the sun salutations, has been extremely helpful since I don’t always have time to go to a class or watch a video at home.  If I arrive somewhere early, I head to a private spot and do my yoga, even if it’s for a half an hour or so. Then, I can also do more at home later.  This way,  I don’t have to chunk out a whole hour during a busy day.  Of course, the days when I can do the whole hour straight, I am quite appreciative since it feels like coming home.  Yoga has become a necessity for me, for my state of mind and physical health.  It’s  a place I can go to and feel the safety and security of me.  It’s expansive and reassuring at the same time. 

Meditation has also given me that same feeling of home that yoga has…of course, perhaps,  because yoga is meditative as well.  Nonetheless, it has also become a priority and necessity.  It’s a place where I can go to feel the flow of life and breath, giving me guidance for when I am just living my life in the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.  Reminding me who I am so that I can carry that forth in all that I do.  It was scary, at first, with feeling and sensing other presences, but I have learned to protect myself and ask for guidance from Jesus and Yogananda.  I visualize myself in white light and am safe. 

My experience with raising the kundalini has made me hesitate in this area.  I  want to experience Kriya yoga, but will do so under the guidance of a SRF nun, so I can get the proper technique.   When I got the bad headache, it made me realize that this technique is very powerful and needs to be done with brevity and guidance.  I look forward to when io can be initiated into Kriya and truly call Yogananda my guru.

The Law of Attraction has been extremely powerful and, often, quite fun.  Some days I wake up and say, (close your ears kiddies) FUCK! Then immediately I laugh and holler “Yipee! I slept well all night! Thank you God and then list everything I’m grateful for.” This has been the single most powerful thing I’ve done with the Law of Attraction.  It sets my mind in a good place for the whole day and it gets me in an appreciative mood. 

All of the affirmations and visualizations, rewriting my childhood have also been extremely valuable.  And I am grateful for the guidance Cheryl from Become a Lotus has given me.  Days when I didn’t think I could make it… she has been my biggest cheerleader.  But I have neglected one assignment she has given me.

The Vision Board.  Which is odd because I was the most excited for this  assignment.  I have let my life get in the way of this important task, and I must set about it.  So, I will keep you, my readers, updated and please, call me on it.  Write, ask , comment about it.  I would appreciate the support.

Only after 5 weeks, my life is truly changing. 

When I started 5 weeks ago my hips hurt constantly, the pain often unbearable, and I had constant headaches.  As of today, I’ve experienced NO hip pain since the first few days of beginning this experiment except the day after my long trip in the car to the Wing Chun seminar.  (Bryan massaged my psoas, and the pain went bye bye.)  I have periodically experienced headaches, but not as severe.  I think, in general, they’ve been more related to being sick…twice.

The first time, I had gotten a flu after the entire family I nanny for had gotten a flu.  The second has been the last few days…a virus I think with pretty severe vertigo.  Obviously, I’d like to be sick less, but I’ve handled each illness well, just living in the moment and surrendering, while the same time  recognizing that my body is healthy and strong and will feel better when the time is right. 

Right before I had started this experiment, I had quit my miserable job and decided that I would only do things that I love to make money.  I had no money in the bank, but decided to be fearless.  Since then, I have worked as a professional photographer,  found employment at a nurturing Relaxation Studio where I can be myself and help heal people, and gained more work doing graphics…I have paid my bills.  I am truly one thousand percent happier.

So, there’s the update folks.  Thanks for your support, and I’m going to keep on, keep on.

and remember, if I can change my life…you can change yours.

Namaste.

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Accepting the feminine divine within me.

So, I lay here on my bed giving myself the love, patience and caring I need while I am on my menstrual cycle.  I woke up this morning early with strong cramps and feeling all around miserable.  I was planning on going up to Manhattan Beach early to house sit, but instead of rush, rush, rushing…I’m giving my body what she needs. I’m respecting my menstrual flow and respecting my process of my body

I feel anxiety and tense in my whole body, and I can feel it stemming from this menstruation.    My mind wants to go to places of fear, but I am not letting the thoughts manifest, though I do feel the unease.  It is uncomfortable, enduring this pain and tension…but I know it will pass.  I’m not giving it the power-the power in my life comes from my connection to myself and the knowledge that I am one with all.  From spirit. God. And from my love and connection to all.  Not from hurt, suffering and pain. 

This is a time for me to recognize my connection with the earth and nature.  Afterall, before electricity and “false” light, women used to menstruate with the cycles of the moon.  Yes.  There was a time when women’s bodies were respected as sacred. Women used to menstruate together in a menstruation “huts”, and they allowed old blood, eggs and emotions pass.  They honored their bodies and didn’t try to control mother nature through birth controls.  Nature knew best.  I wonder sometimes where this culture has gotten us and where women’s lib has really helped us.  Denying ourselves in ANY way in unhealthy.  So maybe, just maybe, we can be a doctor, lawyer or Indian chief but also respect the feminine divine. 

So, I accept my femininity, its beauty and divinity.  And it is comforting to know that the discomfort is temporary probably caused from a lifetime of wishing what I considered a “curse” away, and that I just have to walk through it.  I do not need to run or hide or try to avoid this.  I will only attract more of this pain if I do that.  I must embrace my feminine divine, and I give my mind, body and spirit what they need. 

Even if it’s a little chocolate.

Namaste.

For information about natural women’s health, please go to http://www.womentowomen.com. This clinic was co-founded by author of Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom, Dr. Christiane Northrup.

To read more about a woman’s menstrual cycle coresponding with the lunar cycle click here or read Starhawk’s The Spiral Dance.

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